EP 221 | The Freedom of Not Caring What People Think

If you’ve ever replayed a conversation in your head at 2 a.m. wondering if you sounded “too much,” “too direct,” or “not nice enough,” this one is for you. I sit down with my dear friend Stephanie Greene, President of the Greater Michigan Construction Academy, to talk about the real work behind confidence: filtering outside voices without losing your empathy.

We dig into how people-pleasing can slowly distort your identity and why approval can feel like safety even when it is costing you your peace. Stephanie shares what it looked like to outgrow old versions of herself, how direct honesty gets misread by people who don’t yet know your heart, and why the “spotlight effect” makes us believe everyone is judging us far more than they are. Stephanie opens up about having a health scare and how stress and overwork forced a reset in priorities. 

If you’re navigating change and feeling your confidence shake, you’ll walk away with clearer questions to ask yourself, stronger self-trust, and a more grounded way to lead.

Subscribe for more conversations on confidence and leadership, share this with someone who needs a healthier filter, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

Chapters:

• 6:00: People-Pleasing And Losing Yourself
• 12:30: Direct Feedback Without Being Misread
• 17:01: Stress, Health Scare, And A New Priority List
• 19:50: Leading With Boundaries And Accountability
• 23:55: Family First And Filtering The Noise
• 31:30: Who You Are & Quieting The Voices

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Transcript

Confidence Starts With One Choice

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you stop allowing those voices and all of those other people to affect who you are, and um it just it it's gonna make you a lot healthier and happier.

Meet Stephanie And The Real Truth

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Welcome to the confident podcast. I am Lisa Tarkington, your guide to mastering confidence and leadership. As a business and leadership coach, keynote speaker, and the founder behind the Nonprofit Lead, I am here to equip you with the confidence, clarity, and strategy to create game-changer results so that you can step into your power as the person that you are meant to be. If you press play today, it's because you're ready for something bigger. Each episode, I'll bring you real, raw conversations and actionable insights that will empower you to redefine your leadership, reclaim your confidence, and transform into the unstoppable force you've always been known to be. This isn't just another podcast. It's your journey that we're on together. So buckle up and let's dive into this transformation. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the confident podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Tarkington, and today's conversation is going to be an amazing one. So I am not going to be sitting alone. I have my friend, my dear, dear friend, Stephanie Green coming on. She is the president of the Greater Michigan Construction Academy where I live, which is Midland, Michigan. Um, she is such a phenomenal leader, such a phenomenal friend. Um, I could go on and on, and we'll talk a little bit about that when I get in discussion with her. But I think the biggest thing that we're going to be talking about today is how do you stop caring what people think? How do you let go of maybe their opinions or the feedback that they give you? And when you do that, what does that do for your life? Now, we also talk about how it's not always easy to do those things. Um, but I think Stephanie's story is beautiful of how she's transitioned over time to care less. That doesn't mean that she stopped caring about people because uh that is who she is. She cares deeply about people, but how does she filter what comes into her life because she's the happiest she's ever been? And I love seeing that. And so we're gonna dive in to give you some tools to really help you, not only personally, but also professionally. So let's dive into it. Well, Stephanie, welcome to the confident podcast. Oh, thank you so much for having me, Lisa. I'm really excited to talk about today's topic. Um, kind of what I shared already in the intro is one of the things that I love about you is okay, I'm gonna back up. Actually, I'm gonna say this. I think everybody needs to have a Stephanie in their life. And I truly mean that from the sense of twofolds of you. Like the caring side, always checking in. Like I felt like when I had Lucas, you were always, you know, always caring. You've helped me through a lot of things. And then on the flip side, it's the other side where no, it's good. It's like I can call you and you get this voice of like, I'm about to tell you the truth, and are you ready for it? And I know that that's when I call you, is like I know I'm gonna get the truth and I appreciate that. And I think that's one thing that I think everybody deserves in their lives is someone who not only cares for them, but also is like, hey, I want to support and challenge you. Here's what I think, and here's just some thoughts. Do as you want with it. I'll love you even if you don't take my advice, but like some things to ponder on. And after I always leave those conversations, I'm like, got it. Okay, because you do it in a way that's not like you have to do it this way, but of like, I would just consider these things. And I'm like, got it.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

And I love that. Well, I just think sometimes uh being nice or telling people what um maybe they think they want to hear isn't always the best way to go. Yes. And you know, I want I I would hope that all of my friends are very honest with me. And sometimes that means things might be hard, hard to hear. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

And I and I would say like sometimes you're like, it's like kind of looking in a mirror of like, okay, I really wanted validation, but at the same time, I know that's what I needed to hear. Versus like, yeah, girl, you're so right.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Like, you know, what's gonna make you better? What's going to really make you think? And I like to be challenged and you know, have to really think about things. And so I try to reciprocate that.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Yeah. And and that's I kind of think what kind of goes with today's topic is like, how do we stop caring of what people think all the time and how do we let go? And I think what I really wanted with this conversation, and I'm just gonna kind of set the scene here, is um, this last year has been an emotional wreck for me, as you know, as someone who's had a front row seat to a lot of that. I used to not care so much. And I feel like that has transitioned a lot just with life, life's chapters that have come, and I've seen how it can really affect someone when you allow all these things to come into place. So I'd love for you to like tell us is there a time in your life where you're like, I really cared and what that maybe have done for you? Or have you always just been one that's like, you know what?

People-Pleasing And Losing Yourself

SPEAKER_00 5:24

I've never cared. No, I'd love to know. I I don't think I have always been that way. Um I, you know, feel like I grew up trying to be a people pleaser. Okay. And so um I really cared a lot. And I think um now as I've gotten older, realized I don't want to say I cared too much, um, but it was affecting who I was as a person and um, you know, trying to always make everybody else happy and um, you know, not really thinking about my feelings and you know, taking um my reaction and you know, my feelings into play all the time. Yeah. And, you know, it really hit me into um my first marriage, right? Um, always trying to please and you know, kind of changing who I was to fit this mold of the perfect life. And then realizing, wait a minute. I mean, and it took a long time, like 13, 14 years to really think, what am I doing? You know, and who am I? And you know, I took a number of years to really try and figure that out. And I think that is what got me to where I am now. And um, you know, life is very different. Life is very different. And I don't, it's not um, you know, I don't care at all what people think. I I'm very empathetic, I think. Uh, you know, I really um, you know, take people's feelings into consideration, of course. Um, but for me, it's um, I need to do, and I've I learned kind of the hard way, right? I need to do what's best for me and for my son. And, you know, um, and so that's what I did. That's kind of was the turning point for me.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Yeah. And so what would be, did you have a moment when you were like, this is I can't do this anymore? Or was it little moments? Or because I think the like I'm hearing that and I'm like, okay, there is a light, right? Like I'm gonna care, like, you know, we all will get to that point. But there's all these like moments that probably got you to like that piece. And so I'd love if you could elaborate on any of that.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Um, I think it was a lot of little moments, um you know, liking not not really, um, and some of my very longtime friends will understand this, right? Um changing who I was and um trying to fit into that quote unquote perfect life, right? And um little things like um just what I like to do, like being outside and you know, I I didn't like any of that. I didn't like doing those racing things. Well, you know, yes, I mean it seems silly now, but I that isn't who I am. That isn't, and I know that now because I'm so happy right now, right? And and I don't do any of those things. So um so yeah, you know, I just um when I made that decision in that um in my first marriage, it was um I really understood and really, really knew that I wasn't happy and it needed to be about me. And of course, Logan. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's kind of where I went.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

And so you put yourself first and your family uh, in a sense, like your family first. How do you think that then has translated into professionalism too, right? Because there's a there is a mixture, I feel, with me of like how do I show up? Again, like I don't know about you, but well, I guess I think we can probably relate here is I am myself with my friends. They know the crazy pieces, they know they're friends with me because of that. I don't feel like I put on a persona, right? But I do other places, right? I do want to please other people. And my friends will probably be like, She does not try to please us, right? Like she does, she is her. And mine would say the same. You know, so like, how did that translate? And again, maybe you didn't do that a lot in your workplace, but I have, you know, and so speak on any of that.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

I'm very much my who I am also, you know, at work. Um I lead a great team and they all know who I am as a person. Um personally, I try and keep those, you know, personal and professional um lives separate. Yeah, that's fair. But um as a person, I am the same. I am um to the point. I, you know, if people people come to me when they want honesty and they want the real answer, just like you mentioned in our friendship. Yeah. And so um, and I I just had a conversation with somebody I work with yesterday. You know, she had all these just great ideas, and they were great ideas for something that we want to do. But then I hit her with, you know, reality, really. Yeah. And um, and she appreciates that. Yeah, you know, it was hard to hear, yeah, because man, she was gung-ho and she was ready, but I've been there, I've done that, you know, and um I don't want her to fail at something. Um, so I'm going to be honest with her. Yeah. And, you know, I I that is the same for me, whether I'm at home having a conversation with my son or my husband. Yep. And um it's the same at work.

Direct Feedback Without Being Misread

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yeah. So well, and I love that, right? Like you're true to those types of pieces. And um, and I think too, it's like you what you've also said is it's come with time. And I think that that is very hard for me to hear, right? Or anybody to hear because you're like, man, like give me the secret salt, Stephanie. Like, tell me like tomorrow it's all gonna be okay. And I think the the one thing that I'd love to know too is like when you were in your people pleasing or like um things, what like what are the fears that you think come up for people, like of why we care so much of what people think?

SPEAKER_00 12:45

You know, that's a hard question because uh, you know, it's it's easy to say you you just want people to like you. They you don't want people to think that you're hard or cold or because a lot of people take honesty as being negative or not nice. That's fair. Um and I feel like I'm a very honest person. Yeah, you know, when I um share feedback and you ask me a question, I'm going to be, like you mentioned earlier, very honest in my response. Yeah. And you know that about me. People that don't know me are going to um or often think I'm not a very nice person, right? And it really takes some time for them to understand and to figure that, figure it out that I am, I think, a pretty nice person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Well, and I want to go off of that really quick before we get into the fear thing. So that is, I think, the issue, right? Is your like I, or at least that's how I'm feeling is like the people that know me know I'm a very direct person too, right? Like I'm very direct if you want the feedback, like, but I will give you a hug tomorrow and I will listen for five hours if you need something. But the people that don't know me, I care more. Like, no, it like why? But I do. Right. But like my friends, because I'm like, well, they're never gonna leave.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

You're trying to impress people you don't you know that about yourself, and so you don't want to come off as being, you know, not nice. A bad word. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. The B, as we say. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Um, so how do you work through that? Because again, like you know that people that uh from an external perspective that might not know you, um, know enough like a little bit, like, oh yeah, Stephanie's a great person, and then you hit them with some honesty, and they're like, I don't know how I feel about her.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

You know, and oftentimes that comes back to you, right? Uh, or I'll have people in my life that'll, you know, say to me, well, you know, that really came off as being harsh or cold. Yeah. And so I might try and, and I say might intentionally, um, really try to overcompensate them the next time you see them. So uh, you know, it it's just a it's a balance.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Yeah. Do you think ever like I think too when it comes to like just okay, uh how do I just let them though think those things and be okay with it? Because you can really get into a downworld spiral. You can of oh, I said this, I didn't mean it this way, they took it that way. Do I text them? Do I call them? Do I apologize? But I go back to all the time the this theory around the spotlight effect where guess what, when they put their head down on their pillow, they weren't thinking of it. Right.

unknown 15:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

They've moved on.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

It's affected you way more than it's affected them.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Yeah. And so have you had any of those instances? And then how did you overcome those?

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Um, you know, I'm sure I have. Okay. Uh, but there's been a lot of things that have happened in my life that have kind of really uh checked that in me. Um and you know, I have to let the a lot of those things just roll off my back. You know, I can't I I used to stress a lot more than I do now. Yeah. Um, and worry about what people thought, or you know, is this going to get done? Um, am I going to, you know, meet this deadline? You know, you might not. And that's okay.

unknown 16:40

Yeah.

Stress, Stroke, And A New Priority List

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Doesn't make you a bad person, doesn't make you bad at your job. It just is what it is. And that's hard for a lot of people. But you know, having been through everything that I've been through, it's really real a reality check. It was a reality check for me. So yeah. Would you mind sharing any of that? Sure. Yeah. Um, so in 2022, I had a stroke, and we determined that it was um due to stress. So, and I was, I mean, I was so stressed in my life with just where I was personally and professionally. Like I my life was my work, yeah, and it, you know, it makes me emotional. Yeah, yeah. Um but um life is so much more than that.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

So yeah. Yeah, and so your takeaways was really what from the stroke and making life your work.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Or your work your life. Right, making my work my life. Um, you know, there's so much more to life than what you do. And I needed to make it about who I was and being present for my kid, even though he's you know, was older then, you know, um, and my relationships and both um personally and professionally, right? Yeah so um you know things are very different. And I I have colleagues that will, you know, come up and they are so stressed out. And um I'm like, don't really like don't worry about it. Trust me, ultimately it's going to fall on me, right? Leading the organization if you don't meet your goals. But you know what, there is so much more, and I tell I tell my staff that, right? There's so much more to life than what we do within these walls. And um, I would never forgive myself if what happened to me happened to any of them. Right. So they need to put themselves first.

Leading With Boundaries And Accountability

SPEAKER_01 19:04

I love that. I love that. I think that's a really hard thing as a leader to balance too, right? Extremely. And we talk about that. Like we've talked a lot of those things because I believe that it is human first, right? Um, but I think then it comes down to, and this is just because I I I'm making an assumption here, but because you give that to your team, they give back too, right? Absolutely. I've seen also people take advantage of that, right? Where you can be lenient and you can say, like, hey, don't worry about this, don't worry about this. And they're like, All right. Yeah, I'm not gonna worry about that. And then that as a leader, you step in because then guess what? Then that caring actually, I feel, comes into play a little bit more because now I have to step in because I now have this clientele of people that I have to deal with. So how do you find that balance? Um, and maybe it's just because of the people that work for you, right? But like, how have you found those balances of like, hey, I got you, I don't want you to go through what I went through. Um, but also at the same time, like we also have to do checks and balance. Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

I mean, ultimately we we have a responsibility to do um or to uphold. And um, you know, the um running a nonprofit is no joke, as you know. And uh I have that conversation with staff. Um but no matter what deadlines we have, no matter what is on our plate, we have lives that we need to be present in. And no matter what, that will always be at the top for me. Yeah. And you know, I you find your own rhythm. Right, you know, right, and um, you know, I I tell them that, and sometimes they don't always listen, to be honest. Um, but I I try and set that example. I am not going to not be present in my life outside of work, and so I will leave when I need to to do those things.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Um, and I expect them to do the same. I expect that they will, yeah, but they don't always, yeah, and that's their choice, but they need to realize that on their own. That's something that they need to learn.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah, and I would say like two.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

I I can appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yes, I respect that about them because we've all had to do those things, right? And so I'm gonna go back to what you shared like it was 2022. Yes, that's crazy to me. It's been four years, four years in July.

unknown 21:59

Spring.

Family First And Filtering The Noise

SPEAKER_01 22:00

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SPEAKER_00 24:29

It's very different. And I think um I don't know that people will ever understand until they go through that. Um, but it I just don't, Lisa. I just don't, I don't, I don't care in the sense that my myself, my son, my husband are always going to come first. And whether that's you know, on a a personal decision or a professional decision, right? Like I I um I am going to do what's best for me and us. Yeah. So it's it's really it's hard to explain. Uh but um I I don't care what it is outside of those three things. I mean, it can be something very small, it can also be something that you think is, you know, a huge deal, a huge work deadline or grant or um if it's not going to um be uh healthy for me, um, then I'm I'm just gonna going to not be a part of it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

And I think well it does because I think what I think what you're showing me is there's a filter. And until you get to a point where you understand your filters. Um I think I had a leader once say to me, and I I think I've shared this on the podcast before, is there's also sharks in this world, and the sharks will always be there. And so you have a choice of if like you allow the sharks to take over your life, right? Like someone's always gonna make a comment of, well, you should have been at this, or you should be here, or this is how you should be networking, or this is how you should be doing it. But until you understand your core values, um, where your alignment is, then you can start to defer of where people show up in your life and whose voices actually matter in it. And I think um, as someone who's going through a lot of change, someone said it to me literally last week. We were working on a project together and I was um, and they're going through a lot of change, I'm going through a lot of change. And he said to me, he goes, You do know that when you're going through change, your confidence gets shakened. And I was like, I don't want to hear that because he was so right. And I think that when you're going through change, that does happen so that you can move to the next piece. And maybe that's also what you experience is like, hey, I'm going through it. Your body literally was like, hey, got you. You know, like we've got it. Enough's enough. And now you're like, now I know my priorities, I know what voices to listen to. And at the end of the day, my family is the first thing, right? And then then you have your other families. And I think when we say this whole not caring what people think and letting go of it, it's not that we don't care for people. Right. And I think that those can be like, well, I don't care. It's like, no, I care about the person, but I also have to care about like what I'm filtering to take care of myself to be healthy. And you said that perfectly. Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Yeah. People confuse those. Yeah, they do. And I think because maybe they're not as confident as we are in themselves. Yeah. And so when they hear certain truths, um, it shakes them. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, they're not ready yet. They're not in a place where they can say, okay, she said that out of love, right? I mean, you know how we've had conversations we've had as friends and in our friend groups, right? Um, they're very honest. Very honest. And I think we are all very similar, which is why we're friends, right? Yes. Um, because we know we can say those things to each other and be honest with each other, and we're saying it out of love and respect for one another.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

And and I guess I wouldn't call you if I didn't want the honesty, right? Like I know like who I'm what you're going to get when you call me. Yes. And I think that that is one of the things that I do find beautiful of like, okay, I don't need, and I will say it, like, I have one friend where I'm like, hey, I just need validation that I'm not crazy today, right? But I know I can also say too, you know, but they're also like, I need to just like talk it out. And then I need the hard truth. And I think that that is also beautiful when it comes to like back to like caring what people think. It's like there will always be people, like, as you grow as a person, and you know, I guess for me a little bit, having my name out there a little bit more, it's you have more voices, and the filter now has to get a little bit more clean, right? Too of like, okay, what are the questions that you need to ask yourself to filter? Like, does this opinion matter? Um, okay. They I've never even talked to this person before. Why they don't even know the backstory. Right. And that's on them. And that's what you have to be okay with. Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Is that's that's not a you problem. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a them problem, especially for those that have never met you or had a conversation with you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

And why should that you can't let that bother you?

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Well, and I think when you're lacking confidence, it does.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

It's oh for sure it does.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

For sure. And as I go through these changes of my life, I've been like, ooh, confident Lisa, where is she? That's like affecting me. And I know that that's my self-awareness that's coming up that like that doesn't fit. But it is very intriguing. Um, but I think what you said about like the family first, and that's hitting me because I was on the phone with one of my aunts recently, and she just said, like, I just want to remind you that the most important people in your life are your husband and your son. And it she just paused. And I was like, got it. Because I know that, right? But we live we have a lot of other things in our lives, and it's very hard to be like, where's my energy?

Who You Are Quietes The Voices

SPEAKER_00 30:39

And you are the only one that puts that, that's allowed to put that pressure on yourself, you know, and if um if you stop allowing those voices and all of those other people to affect who you are, yeah, and um it just it it it's gonna make you a lot healthier and happier. Yeah and yeah. I mean, I I care about people and I care about um what people think to an extent, but it doesn't hit me like it used to, you know. I don't I hear it, you know. That's okay. Um and I I might address it sometimes and I might not others, and you know what? That's yeah, that's okay. Yeah, and I'm okay with that. Whether you know that other person doesn't have to be.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Yes, you know, you have to be. Yeah, that's so that's a good point. And to your point, it's it's not justifying the actions, it's just like this is who I am. Um, and I had someone give me feedback a couple of weeks ago about how I am very direct. And I and I sat there and I remember getting that feedback a year ago from someone. And then I got it recently, and I was I sat there and I was like, okay, but also the person that you're giving that feedback about doesn't really know me yet. So I was like, okay, I just need to build that relationship up because once they once they get to know me, they're gonna be like, oh, she doesn't mean it that way. She's just saying it because she actually loves this and she's trying to move this project along. Right. Um, and we have to have these hard conversations. Right. So now that we've discussed all that, let's go back to the fear thing. Why do you think people fear? Like, like what we care. Like there are people that care. Like, and I I've been there. Like, what is our fear?

SPEAKER_00 32:50

I'm not sure I know how to answer that. Um there are things in life that um you are going to be hit with that might be scary. Right? Um But I I I'll speak only for myself, um, but I I don't I don't think I have those fears anymore either, right? Like life is what it is, and um things might be harder than others, um, but you you just need to face it. Yeah. I I I again I I hate I don't know. I hate to be that direct, but it's like yeah, like it is. I I think we really fear things. I I just it's it might be hard.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Like the fear might be is that what if someone doesn't like me? And then we go in those like downward spirals of, well, then if they don't like me, then this could happen, then this could happen. It's like we go to like the catastrophic piece, and really at the end of the day, it's like, okay, what could really happen? I mean, I never talked to that person again. Look at all the time you're wasting though.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Yes. Worrying about what other people think. Amen. Uh I don't have that kind of time. Yeah. I really I really don't. I uh that's okay. Not everybody has to like you. Yeah. I think I think they don't have to agree. Sorry. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Like, you know, and I I think that that's a valid point. And I think, you know, it's what's your what's your good side, your positive side that you're showing yourself and or like showing people. And then it's like also like, what is the like who are you? And I think you said it earlier when you're like, I was trying to figure out who I was. Right. And I'm gonna go back like full circle to that moment of like, until you know who you are, it is it is harder to filter those voices. And recently I've noticed I've asked a lot of my coaching clients, who are you? Are you being true to that? And the pause on the other line is long. And it's because to you to our conversation, if you don't know that, the voices I think get louder.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

Oh, they do for sure.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Isn't that fascinating?

SPEAKER_00 35:22

You know, the first 30 years of my life, you know, here listening, you know, not just hearing, but I would listen to all of those voices. And wow. Yeah, it it wasn't a great place to be. Yeah, it really wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

And now you look at your life now and you're like, I'm happier. And it's because it sounds like the filters there.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

The I know who Stephanie is. Yeah, I do, I do, I know who I am, and I know what um how I am the most happy. So I love that. That's where I'm gonna stay.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Yeah, yeah. Well, and I I'll I'll sh I'll ask one other question. So I uh like when I think also like what people care is this constant need for approval. And what do you think that costs people?

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Happiness. Happiness, time, time. Um and I mean not just time in the sense of you know, hours or minutes. I mean time with family, you know, time with um friends. Yeah, the real friends. Right. Right. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

And those are things that, you know, uh I was I was having a conversation recently with someone and I I had this promise of myself, like, do not let me go in my downworld spiral. Like, because you know, when you start talking about something, you can like kind of go. And she let me. And I go, hey, you were not supposed to let me there. We can we I don't have time for this energy. Like, I I need to focus elsewhere. And it was just a fascinating moment of like when you are also in charge of where you spend your time, is what we've discussed. And so it's like, how do you full circle come back to these moments of like, hey, like, okay, I gotta find who I am, which is beautiful, right? I have to learn the filters. I gotta go through hard things to get there. But what you said earlier, too, of like, I had I got to where I am now because of the hard things. But at the end of the day, what's most important is my family. And everything else goes to the wayside. And I I pictured this conversation I had, gosh, like 15 years ago. And someone's like, Hey, Lisa, you do know that everybody puts their pants on the same way, right? Like that person that you're worried about, like their opinion. Yeah, they got dressed the same way as you this morning. Like they're just human.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

You know? Um, and then you know as well as I do when people give their opinions. Uh we go home at the end of the day, and guess who we go home to? Our families. Right? Like we go home over.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

That I mean, that like in the world right now, right? It's okay to share or have not share the same opinion.

unknown 38:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Even if it's with your closest friends. Yeah. You know, it it's okay. But I respect yours, and I would hope, you know, as friends, they respect mine. Yeah. And if they don't, you know what? Do I really want them in my circle? Yeah. Um, yeah, that's yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

So, like before we go into like uh fast questions, is there anything else you would say about this topic to leave the audience with? Any mic drop things?

SPEAKER_00 38:40

Oh, mic drop. I don't know about mic drop. I just think, you know, it's okay to put yourself first. It's okay to not care what someone else thinks. Um, it doesn't make you, you know, any less human or kind or you know, compassionate. It's just be you.

Fast Questions And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 39:07

Just be you. I love that. I love that. And if you don't know who you are, that's your homework, everybody. It's like find out who that who you are and who you want to be true to because that might be someone's North Star is like finding that person before you can let go of the baggage as well. So fast questions, or like kind of how I usually end these, is if you were to explain to someone, kind of these are these are off the cuff ones, but if you were to explain to someone what your zone of genius is, what would you say? Like if you only if you had eight hours at work to focus on something, what would you focus on? At work? Yeah, that brings you joy. Uh building more relationships. For yourself or for the company, or tell me more?

SPEAKER_00 39:58

Uh well, if I'm at work, I'm building more relationships for the company, right? And for our organization and the students that we impact, and you know, ultimately the community that we impact as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

What's a lesson you think life continued to hand you until you learned it?

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Uh that it's um it's best to trust yourself and not worry about um one w what other people think. Um but also you know it's not about what you have. Um to me it's more about who you have. Ooh. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

And then last one, if you were to have a walk-up song, well, I guess you go to hockey a lot. So if you were like getting announced on the ice rink, what would your song be? Girl on Fire by Alicia King. Ooh, I like that.

unknown 41:08

No question.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

All right, Saginaw Spirit, you heard that, right? Stephanie wants to be on the ice. Girl on fire. Awesome. Well, thank you, Stephanie, for being on the confident podcast. I loved our conversation. I actually was just thinking of like, what is something that everybody can walk away with of how to find themselves more? Because the more that you do that, all that other noise goes away. So I appreciate all of your sound bites and for being honest with us as you always do. I appreciate you. Thanks for having me. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning into today's podcast. I had a great time talking to Stephanie about all of the things, um, conversations um around caring less of what people think, but even still caring about people and how that can show up. And if you took away anything, please share with me. I love, love hearing from our listeners about what they've taken away, how they're utilizing it in their lives. And also, one of the things that I would say is my takeaway is I'd love for all of you to just take a moment to ask yourself, who are you really? And what do you want in your life? And how does that show up? And the more that you can put those filters on and understand more of who you are, I promise you, the more confident that you will be. So please let me know how I can support you in your journey. Um, again, if you if you like today, please subscribe to our YouTube channel. Um, leave a review of what you've learned, um, let me know what you've learned. And as I say at every podcast, continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet. And have a great day. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Confident Podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. So send me a message at podcast.lisa Turkington.com. Don't forget, while you're there, to subscribe to our newsletter, subscribe to our YouTube channel, and don't forget to spread the good by sharing this with someone in your life. Remember, you have the power to choose confidence every single day. Keep showing up, keep striving, and keep believing in your potential. I'm cheering you on, and I'll see you next time.