The Confident Podcast
The Confident Podcast, presented by Lead and hosted by certified coach and Lead President Lisa Tarkington, is your go-to resource for mastering confidence and leadership. Whether you're battling self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or just looking for a space to feel understood, this podcast offers real conversations, practical tools, and expert insights to support your growth. You’re not alone in your journey—no matter where you are in life, you'll find motivation, connection, and strategies to step into your full potential with confidence.
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The Confident Podcast
EP 204 | Breaking the Patterns That Hold Us Back
What if the biggest obstacle to your dream career isn't your skills or experience, but the limiting beliefs you've carried for years without realizing it? Stacey Gorin, an executive coach at Ernst & Young, spent 20 years climbing the corporate ladder at IBM before discovering her true calling, then another decade actively pursuing it.
Her journey reveals a truth many of us face: we often follow paths that don't align with our core values, strengths, or passions. The breakthrough moment came when someone finally asked her the right questions, helping her recognize the disconnect between her technical role and her natural talents for connecting with and supporting others.
This conversation dives deep into the PowerUp framework Stacey developed– a practical approach to overcoming the limiting behaviors that hold professionals back.
Chapters:
- 0:00: Discovering Your True Path
- 3:42: Meeting Stacey: From Technical to Coach
- 9:00: Building Confidence to Ask for What You Want
- 17:51: The PowerUp Framework for Overcoming Limitations
- 22:13: Elevating Your Communication and Finding Purpose
- 31:22: Final Wisdom: Ask for What You Want
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I really wasn't fulfilled, wasn't doing what I wanted to do, and my father at the time said ask your boss to go to lunch, take your boss to lunch and share that. And I was like Dad, people don't do that, you can't just ask your boss to go to lunch. They all go to lunch together, all the bosses. And it never occurred to me that I could ask for what I wanted and what I deserve.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Confident Podcast.
Speaker 2:I am Lisa Tarkington, your guide to mastering confidence and leadership. As the business and life coach keynote speaker and the driving force behind LEAD, I am here to help you break free from self-doubt, silence the imposter syndrome and step into your power as the person you're meant to be. If you press play today, it's because you're ready for something bigger. Each week, I'll bring you real, raw conversations and actionable insights that will empower you to redefine your leadership, reclaim your confidence and transform into the unstoppable force you've always known that you could be. This isn't just another podcast. It's a journey we're on together, so buckle up and let's dive into this transformation. Your next level awaits. Hi everybody, welcome back for another episode of the Confident Podcast. I'm your host, lisa Tarkington, and this podcast is presented by LEAD, a nonprofit organization that helps individuals grow in confidence, well-being and so many career readiness skills. We work with students as well as adults, trying to prepare the next generation to be in their different types of careers through different skill building learning techniques.
Speaker 2:I'm excited for today's topic. I'm excited to be talking to you guys about the things that kind of hold us back. Maybe it's about breaking a habit or a pattern that we've had for a long time. Maybe it means that we're kind of stuck and we're like we know that there's more that we want to do in our lives. But what does that even mean? And I'm not going to be doing this alone today.
Speaker 2:We've had a lot of solo podcasts this year, but I'm excited to bring on our guest, stacey. So Stacey is an executive coach for EY, which is Ernst Young, and she's going to share her story about spending 20 years trying to figure out what she wanted to be and what she really wanted to do, and then another 10 years really activating that. Stacey and I have known each other for a few years now, but we've never met in person. We've just always connected via Zoom or email or just catching up with each other, and she's just someone that I've admired for a long time the way that she is as an executive coach, the way that she leads and the way that she helps other individuals. She's also one of the people that was very transformational in a program called Power Up that EY leads.
Speaker 2:I've been through this program. I've actually spoke at this program. Today was really talk about that, about things that hold us back from what's kind of like stopping us from achieving our goals, meeting our purpose and just growing in our careers in general. So let's get into it, so you guys can hear what Stacey has to say. Well, welcome, stacey. Welcome to the Confident Podcast.
Speaker 1:We are so excited to be chatting with you today. I have been looking forward to this so much, lisa, so I'm thrilled to be on your podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we go back a few years of just like catching up every now and then. So I'm excited to hear more about you and so just to kind of like segue into for setting our audience up to know a little bit about you, would you mind just like kind of giving us a short little glimpse into who Stacey is?
Speaker 1:Yeah boy, that's a loaded question. Oh boy, that's a loaded question. So, most importantly, like I say that, but I couldn't be more genuine and authentic that it took me a long time to get here, but I just feel so blessed where I am, both personally and professionally.
Speaker 2:I love that, and I love that you're a mom, that you're going to be a grandma or you are a grandma.
Speaker 1:I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old grandson.
Speaker 2:So fun, so fun. And then, on top of that, like you said, you were so genuine about what you do. But you also just said, too, like it took me a minute to get there. And I know that we chatted a little bit beforehand and went back and forth on notes a little bit. And you said, like you know, it took me 20 years to figure out what I want to be. I've been doing it for 10 years to really activate it. So tell me about that journey, like how did you even get there? Because I think, like, let me just share this too. It's like I hear from kids all the time and I was like this in my twenties. I'm like, oh yeah, I got my plan all figured out, and then it would come to my midlife crisis that I had at 29. I'm like what do I really want to be when I grow up? And I think I'm still trying to figure all of those little pieces out. So, yeah, I'd love to hear your story on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so well, I really didn't have that plan. I was that kid in college who really wasn't sure. My parents were like you have to have a major where you're going to be able to get a job, you have to be employable, all those things. So I was a business major operations, research, which couldn't be further from what I'm passionate about, what my strengths are. And so I got out of college and was very technical. I worked for IBM at the time amazing company, was a great 30-year career for me. But I was doing all these things and I wasn't passionate. I really would wake up, you know, frustrated. But it was a job, it was a paycheck, I needed the money, all of those things.
Speaker 1:And at about 20 years into my career I was asked if I wanted to work with a coach. At the time I was had no idea what a coach was and I said sure, and light bulbs went off and I was like this is what I was meant to do. I do this in an untrained way all the time, helping people, being there, people reach out to me. So then I started going through coaching training. I was lucky enough, ibm at the time brought maybe two years later brought in-house coaches training organization and I was able to be part of that pilot and I knew from that day. I walked out of the first session and said, oh my gosh, I have found what I have been meant to do and then what I said. It took me really 10 years to be able to do it in the way I'm doing it now. So yeah, like you said, I've been at EY and been an executive coach working with our leaders for the last 10 years and it's been the joy of my life.
Speaker 2:That is amazing and I think it's so interesting that you actually had a coach first, right Before you became a coach, and then the light bulbs came out. So it sounds like that was your turning point of ways to go there, and I think nowadays people have the opportunity to do so many things right, and I think it's a pinball in a way, because now, like you can change it, it's not just going into HR or, you know, corporate or small like right, like there's just so many more opportunities out there, and so do you ever feel like your mind or maybe some clients that you have have that pinball machine a little bit?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think for sure, like I kind of was raised with, people had, like you know, one job their entire life, which is crazy. I look at my daughters, who have been three, four roles already, but they're finding what they really love and what they're passionate about so much earlier than I did. And I think what happens is depending what's going on both politically within a company or a field, and all of a sudden you find yourself unmotivated, unfulfilled and you're like, well, what else is there? And you're right. People today and people growing up, are not looking to have one career their entire life, it's. You know, let's try different things, let's see what fits and work on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm seeing that more and more and I think for a while there it had a bad rep to it, but I also think so Thanks to my generation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just going to say I think it's because it's enviness, where people were envy of like you get to change things. Like I think about my parents. My dad was a construction worker his whole life. My mom was a nurse her whole life. They never changed anything.
Speaker 2:But now I see my mom, who's like this crafty, creative person, and I'm like, oh my goodness, I wonder if she would have had all these opportunities, would she have changed those things Right? And so when you're going through these changes, or even maybe when you did, when you were like I'm finally the light bulb went off that this is what I want to do. It's not like it just came so easily without challenges. I'm assuming, right, like that's a big mental shift. That's like also like, oh no, I have to tell my husband, like I have to tell someone, I have to like make this a decision in some way. So how did tell us a little bit about that for you, like how did you make that shift? And like what were the challenges or things that you had to do for your mindset?
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, like I said, it took 10 years. I mean I knew what I wanted to do. I, because I had been at IBM for a while I came back and started thinking about how can I leverage coaching into what I was doing. And at the time when I was doing, I was a while and it took me having to really build my confidence to go to my leadership and say I think I can add more value if you would let me coach some of our sales leaders and help them as they are going through opportunity development and all those things.
Speaker 1:So it started out as a pilot and little by little and, as I said, I mean that was, you know, it was a number of years, let's put it that way. It was three years from the time I had coaching until I went through coach training and probably another few for me to kind of figure out, okay, how can I really leverage this. And it was slow, it was very slow going. But I knew what I wanted to do and I just kept saying, you know, I would meet someone and someone would come to me for something else and I would say let me tell you another opportunity for you and I'd offer coaching. And so, little by little, I became known at IBM. My title was a high performance coach and that's kind of how I sort of became branded. But it's what I do and it's what I love and you know, through that I really have the opportunity to, you know, wake up every day and live my purpose.
Speaker 2:That is amazing, well, and I love hearing that because I obviously am a coach too. So like hearing how another coach has grown right. And I remember being told that when I was working in the corporate world of that was what Gosh. That was like nine years ago when someone said that to me and I'm like coach, yeah, but that's expensive, right. Like I had all these like limiting things. I told myself at that time. But once you're meant to figure out it, I feel like things just kind of fall into place, even with challenges, right. Like there's challenges along the way, but there's. It never goes away in your mind of what you're meant to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's kind of for me, it was like putting it out there, Putting it out to my husband, my friends, my sponsors at the time, to say this is what I want to be doing. It didn't exist at the time where I was. It didn't exist at the time where I was, and you know, I'm lucky enough now to be part of an organization that there's several dozen coaches, full-time coaches and it's incredible.
Speaker 2:That's amazing, and so let's segue into kind of something else that you've shared with me, that you're passionate about, which is digging into limiting behaviors. So when I hear limiting behaviors, I literally the word that comes to me is limiting beliefs. Right, like that's the word that came to me first when I was thinking about this. And so when you say limiting behaviors, what does that mean and like, how does that like work for our audience to understand?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So it was fascinating because, as I was coaching our male and female leaders, I was seeing very specific differences in how the gender differences were holding people back from reaching their goals and their potential. And so, as a coach I was, I wanted to figure out what I could do to help, as a coaching tool, to help women overcome some of the limiting behaviors and beliefs that were holding them back it and really finding value, because it's not rocket science, but it's just naming it, understanding it and then strategies to overcome some of these limiting beliefs and challenges.
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Speaker 2:I love that you said it's not rocket science, because I think one of the things that people, even including myself, sometimes we're like we have to have this elaborate plan to just like rock their socks off right. But it's just, in a way, I'm going to say dumbing it down a little bit and bringing it down to our level where we can understand things. And so when you think about a limiting behavior or limiting belief, it sounds like they kind of go hand in hand that a woman might have or a man might have. What are some examples?
Speaker 1:So we identified it into the five main limiting beliefs that we saw were holding people back and we call that power, power up. And so it's projecting confidence, authentically owning your career, widening your network, elevating your communication and realizing your purpose. Realizing your purpose and I'll give you such a simple example from my own life of a limiting belief and a lack of being able to project confidence. When I first started working, I really wasn't fulfilled, wasn't doing what I wanted to do, and my father at the time said ask your boss to go to lunch, take your boss to lunch and share that. And I was like Dad, people don't do that. You can't just ask your boss to go to lunch. They all go to lunch together, all the bosses. And it never occurred to me that I could ask for what I wanted and what I deserved.
Speaker 2:And I would say that that's still something people struggle with.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, which is, you know, the O in our power up is owning your career, asking for what you want, making yourself a priority, you know, treating yourself the way you would treat other people. It is mind boggling how many times I'm coaching someone and they'll say to me oh, I really want to be a partner at EY or I want this role, and I was like well, that's amazing. So what have you done to get ready? Who have you shared that with? And they're like well, no one. You're the first person. You know it's like that, wayne Gretzky, what he has said. I think maybe it's not Wayne Gretzky, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So it's like you know. The question I always ask is what's the worst thing that can happen by you sharing what it is you want and what you want to be doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and you made me think of something else. That kind of goes back to that pinball machine that we were talking about a little bit. So how would someone, how would someone own? So I think sometimes for me, like I think about a lot of the people that I've coached or the people that I just are in my life and they're like Lisa, I don't know what I want to do. So they have these different thoughts and they're like I think this is the lane I want to go down. So then they go down that lane, but then they're sharing that now with their leadership. And then what? If they change their mind Right, then they have that like that mindset of like, oh, changed it again. I'm just going to be known as that person that changes all the time, which isn't a bad thing, but we have this perception sometimes and I think that's a limiting behavior that people have, and so how does one work through something like that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean. So what for me personally, what helped me sort of get over that was being introduced to a values exercise. I'm sure in your coaching you've done plenty of that. So I identified with my coach what were my values. And then we went into well, what are your strengths? And I talked about that. You know, I feel like I connect really easily with people, I'm intuitive, I love having conversations, I love helping people, and you know. So. Then it was what are you passionate about?
Speaker 1:And when I went through that exercise, I realized at that time I was a, I had just gotten my MBA and I was a financial manager. I was looking at spreadsheets all day and it was like this light bulb went off. Of course I'm unfulfilled, I'm doing something that doesn't honor my values, I'm not leveraging my strengths and I'm certainly not passionate about. So that's the road that I take clients on when they come to me and say I'm just not sure I am really unfulfilled right now. I'm stressed out. Burnout, I mean. A lot of times when people are burnt out, it's because their values are being stepped on. So we go through that and say, okay, so now what? Now you know better, so now it's time to do better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that Well, and it's. It's interesting as you were talking about those things like that's something that we teach at the nonprofit. All the time we have a lead within platform that like takes people through it, but it's also, at the same time, like it's just the reflection time, right. A lot of us just don't slow down enough to be able to think through those things, and so, but we have so many people that do want to own their career, do have these aspirations, do have these dreams as well, and so you went through kind of what power means, and so I'd love if you could give us just a little detail on each one, because I think that it's very powerful, and I also think one of the things that we hear a lot from people is limiting beliefs.
Speaker 2:So I'll give two examples. So one example is we did an assembly with 500 kids and we did a limiting beliefs test with them quiz, and it was so interesting for that school alone, fear of failure was the number one thing that came up for kids. Then I do it with adults and it's very similar, right? We all have this imposter syndrome. We all have these fear of failures. Perfectionism came up a lot, and so when you walk through the power, I would love to just hear from you and how people can take that and put that into their own lives to really take the next step in their career.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so okay, I mean, I would love to. You're asking me. This is like my third day.
Speaker 2:I thought you'd light up right when I said that.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So when we talk about projecting confidence authentically, when we see people exhibiting power, diminishing behaviors, these are people who are not making themselves a priority. These are people who believe that they are not worthy. They are succumbing to the imposter phenomenon. These are people who don't have the confidence to have their voice be heard in a meeting. I can't tell you how many times I am invited to a meeting and I see people who are also invited, who sit back maybe not really figuratively and literally take a seat in the back, versus people who exhibit power building behaviors, are taking a seat at the table, letting their voice be heard, asking for what they want, recognizing that, yes, they may be in a new role and it may be scary and it may be hard, but they're going to do what they need to do to be successful. These are people who know their value and aren't afraid to leverage it and to be bold and to really make their voice be heard. These are people who also will stand up for someone else. How many times and I ask this question at workshops I do, and every hand goes up how many times are you in a meeting and someone has an idea and it gets just passed over and two minutes later someone else has the same idea and everybody's like that's great. So these are people who are saying I'm so glad you like the idea that Lisa proposed five minutes ago. So that's projecting confidence.
Speaker 1:Authentically Owning your career sort of runs into that. It's asking for what you want and deserve. It's taking the time for yourself, making yourself a priority. I can't tell you how many times I have leaders who, just this week I had a leader who said it's my kids spring break. I have to work, I'm sending my family to Hawaii and I'm staying home and working and believing that if they take that time off, something's going to happen. It's people who work to the point of exhaustion and burnout, versus saying I can't be at that meeting because I'm going to my child's soccer game or I'm going on vacation next week. So that's what owning your career is all about Widening your network, having the right levels of mentors and sponsors.
Speaker 1:And what's fascinating is women tend to have more mentors than men, but 30% fewer sponsors. And sponsors are those people who are talking about you in a positive way when you're not in the room. They are generally higher in the organization, they have political clout. They're the ones that are going to open the door for you to step into that role that you absolutely have been dying to have, and it's leveraging those. It is asking your network for support, but it's also a two-way street. It's providing things.
Speaker 1:When I see an article or something that one of my sponsors would be interested in, I send it to them or I reach out. So it is a two-way street and you have to nurture those people in your network. And the other thing about people who have limiting beliefs believe that they can't reach outside their organization, that their mentors just need to be people they know. You really want your what I call board of directors to be diverse. You want people who don't look like you aren't in the same organization as you. What I have seen being in the corporate world for as long as I have is oftentimes it's not a meritocracy, it's a meritocracy.
Speaker 2:What's the difference between meritocracy? Say that one again.
Speaker 1:So a meritocracy is when you are mentoring and sponsoring people who look like you, who are from the same place that you're from, versus a meritocracy people who really deserve the opportunity, the role, and what happens is people tend to spend time with people who are like them and it's like you know.
Speaker 1:I mean I hate to use this term, I know it's overdone, but the good old boys network a group of guys goes out to play golf and someone says, oh, I'm really interested in AI and I really would love an opportunity in that area, and the boss remembers when an opportunity comes up that this guy wants it versus a meritocracy who really deserves it, who's been doing AI, research and education and all those things. So that's widening your network. Elevate your communication is speaking with and looking like the role you want to have. So it is leveraging who you are, how you speak, how you write. It's about taking out the, minimizing words and phrases, taking out the. I just want to ask you one thing versus. Let me share my best idea. It's taking out. I think this is the best idea versus this is the best idea. So it's things like that.
Speaker 1:The other thing that we see all the time are people over apologizing. You know, I'm sorry, it was raining out today and you had to walk through the rain, like really did you cause the rain? So I had. I had someone at a workshop say wait, so you should never apologize, and that's not the message. If you do something wrong, apologize, but you don't need to be apologizing for everyone and everything Totally. And then realizing your purpose and that's kind of where I started is understanding who you are at your very core. A famous scholar once said the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you realize why you were born.
Speaker 2:I love all of those and they resonate with me, obviously because of what I do and what I see with individuals. But I think it's also you bring up the elevate your communication. I believe that's what you said, and for me, that's one of the biggest things that I hear from people is, communication is just so different amongst generations, too, right, and how do you elevate yourself? But also, I think people just, on a certain level, have to figure out how to communicate, how to flip depending on who you're talking to too and having different perspectives.
Speaker 2:Leadership is tough, like hands down, like one of the hardest things I've ever done in my career, but one of the most amazing things. Obviously, that's what I coach. So it's really cool to hear how the word power and everything that you've shared really helps with limiting beliefs, cause I think that that is one of the biggest things that that hold people back, because those are patterns, right, like they're patterns from our past that are leading us to where we are right now. So love that, love that you shared that stuff. So I'm kind of like to end. I have some quick, snappy questions for you.
Speaker 1:So I'm ready for you.
Speaker 2:Perfect. So what is one thing not shared today that you would like to share with the audience?
Speaker 1:Really, oh gosh, I would say, and I've shared it. But to me it's so important Ask for what you want, don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and really ask. And I kind of say it's like a muscle. It's hard to do the first time, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Speaker 2:Love that. It's funny. The whole time you were talking, three things came into my mind. It's like I got to ask for that. I got to ask for that and I'm confident in what I do, but it's still sometimes like hits us hard, right, and you're like oh yes, I needed that reminder. You know what is a book or podcast that you are listening or reading listening to or reading right now.
Speaker 1:It's funny because I was listening to your podcast and I saw that you were reading Mel Robbins, as am I, and I'm listening to her podcast, and I'm also just picked up this great book about communication called Smart Brevity and it's really about exactly what you said. When you talk about elevate your communication. It's being concise, knowing your audience. It's really an easy great read.
Speaker 2:Amazing. Okay, we'll put that in the show notes for sure. And then, what is your favorite thing to do when you're not working?
Speaker 1:Be with my grandbabies for sure. How did I know you?
Speaker 2:were going to say that Just had this feeling.
Speaker 1:Listen every free moment. That's what I do. I we moved to California so I could be close to them, um, and I'm also a physical fitness nut, so I work out all the time I be in being in California hike, so I just love the outdoors.
Speaker 2:I love that. I'm very jealous. I live obviously in Michigan and it's been cold lately. Um, I say that. And then the last one why should someone listen?
Speaker 1:to this podcast episode today. I think, as a continual learner and I know you've talked a lot about that there's always something you can pick up from someone else, even if 90% don't resonate with you. Hopefully, you've picked up one thing, and I hope your listeners today have picked up at least one thing that they can do differently, and that's again when we talk about power up. It's not rocket science. These are easy behaviors and limiting beliefs that you can change.
Speaker 2:Amazing Stacey. Thank you so much for being on the Confident Podcast. I loved our conversation about power up, about limiting behaviors, limiting beliefs and, honestly, just your story, because I think so many times people just want to have it all together all the time, but I think your journey led you to where you are right. Like I think about all of these points in my life too, and if we don't do those things, we wouldn't be grateful or understand our purpose at the end.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, it's been so much fun. Thank you so much and can't wait to catch up with you again.
Speaker 2:Yes, I cannot wait, Stacey, thank you. Well, thank you so much for tuning into today's podcast. I loved hearing everything that Stacey had to say. You know I have been through Power Up.
Speaker 2:I've heard Stacey speak before, but it's always amazing for me to be reminded of the little pieces. Maybe that means like owning my career, or how to elevate my communication, or continuously growing in my purpose. The other things that she said that really reminded me of is what are your values? We've done podcasts on that before. We've talked about the zone of genius, and I think everything that she said was really helping people try to figure that out.
Speaker 2:So I hope that you took away some amazing tidbits from today, like I did, and, if you did, please subscribe to our YouTube channel, our Apple podcast or just any place that you're listening to our podcast, and I'd love to hear from you. Be sure to DM me at LisaTarkingtonOfficial. And everything that Stacey talked about we also have in our Lead Within platform, so there is a code that you can use, so it's in the show notes. Please check that out for 50% off your first time utilizing our platform to really help it grow in your values, find your purpose, your passion and much more so, as I say on every podcast, continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet and have a great day. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Confident Podcast.
Speaker 2:If today's episode resonated with you, head over to leadconfidentlyorg for today's show notes, along with discounts to our services. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button, leave a review and follow us on Instagram and YouTube at the Confident Podcast. Your feedback means the world to me and it helps more people discover the show. And hey, if you're feeling inspired to dive deeper, let's connect. You can find me on Instagram at LisaTarkingtonOfficial. Drop me a message and let's explore how I can support your journey to confidence and leadership. Remember you have the power to choose confidence every single day. Keep showing up, keep striving and keep believing in your potential. I'm cheering you on and I'll see you next time.
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