The Confident Podcast
The Confident Podcast, presented by Lead and hosted by certified coach and Lead President Lisa Tarkington, is your go-to resource for mastering confidence and leadership. Whether you're battling self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or just looking for a space to feel understood, this podcast offers real conversations, practical tools, and expert insights to support your growth. You’re not alone in your journey—no matter where you are in life, you'll find motivation, connection, and strategies to step into your full potential with confidence.
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The Confident Podcast
EP 194 | Late to Love, Right on Time: How Self-Discovery Strengthened Our Relationship
What if finding true love starts with falling in love with yourself? On this episode of The Confident Podcast, I invite my husband, Marc Tarkington, to join me as we reflect on our journey of self-discovery and how it laid the foundation for our marriage. We pull back the curtains on our individual paths of personal growth and self-respect that led us to each other. It's not just about praying and waiting for the right partner but understanding that self-discovery is an essential prelude to a healthy relationship. Tune in to hear about my transformative trip to Haiti and the lessons it taught me about building a relationship grounded in mutual respect and understanding.
- 0:00: Journey to Self-Growth and Love
- 10:06: Finding Self-Love and Growth
- 20:17: Balancing Growth in Relationships
- 31:22: Embracing Growth and Communication in Relationships
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This is so refreshing. I feel like I actually got to know this person pretty well in the first couple hours that we met and it made me kind of chuckle because I was thinking back to my prayers like give me something different. I usually have the needy, codependent type person that makes me feel good but causes me a lot of stress. Absolute opposite.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Confident Podcast. I am Lisa Tarkington, your guide to mastering confidence absolute opposite syndrome and step into your power as the person you're meant to be. If you press play today, it's because you're ready for something bigger.
Speaker 3:Each week, I'll bring you real, raw conversations and actionable insights that will empower you to redefine your leadership reclaim your confidence and transform into the unstoppable force you've always known that you could be.
Speaker 2:This isn't just another podcast. It's a journey we're on together, so buckle up and let's dive into this transformation. Your next level awaits. Hey everybody, welcome back for another episode of the Confident Podcast. I'm your host, lisa Tarkington, and I'm really excited about today's topic and today's episode because it's going to be extra special.
Speaker 2:I have talked a lot about my husband on this podcast. You guys probably know already a lot about our relationship and who he is, but he is going to be my special guest for today. We're going to be talking about loving ourselves before we became one and marriage how we worked on self-respect, how we worked on personal growth before we became one, and marriage how we worked on self-respect, how we worked on personal growth before we met. And so, just to kind of set the tone for you guys, we recently just celebrated one year of marriage, which is pretty awesome. When we were in the state of dating and getting married.
Speaker 2:We got married a little bit, I would say, older than some people have.
Speaker 2:I guess now it's kind of normal with generations, but I was 33, he was 36.
Speaker 2:And beforehand we both went on our own journeys of self-discovery, self-love and having a lot of growth, and so I think we also really learned what it truly means to respect one another, to have self-respect for yourself and just to have love in general.
Speaker 2:So it's funny to look back at things and think about how much work I did on myself so that I could be stronger for a marriage, to be stronger to have a partner. But in the moment, you think about all of these things but at the same time, you're just trying to find your person at the same time. So I think it's really going to be an amazing episode for you to dive into, to really think about what do I need to do to be ready for my partner or maybe you're already married or in a relationship thinking about what do I need to do now to grow more in my personal growth so you know if you're single, if you're dating, if you're already in a relationship. I really hope that our story inspires you and also just helps you know that personal growth is a game changer in all aspects of your life, so let's get into it. Well, welcome, mark, to the Confident Podcast.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me. I hope I don't regret it.
Speaker 2:You won't. So, yeah, we've been what together three years. I've had this podcast for way more than that. So now you get to make your first appearance as my husband on this podcast. I mean, you've heard all about it. So we're going to be talking about kind of already set the tone for everybody, but we're going to be talking about kind of our relationship, giving everybody kind of a sneak peek inside. I think I've done a pretty good job so far with the podcast of doing that. So I figured out what I would do is like kind of set the tone I know not everybody knows how many years like I really like was praying for you and praying for a husband, and like kind of doing the work on myself. So to kind of set the tone. I'm just going to share a story of 2015. So it's 2025.
Speaker 2:So 10 years ago, which is crazy to think about I was 25 years old. I was in Haiti on a mission trip and I had no idea why I was there, no idea and I felt like I was called to help people, you know, and I remember sitting on top of a mountaintop we had just gotten to the top seven hours in a car. I was like, why am I here? The only thing that came to my mind because I do a lot of reflection is you need to start to pray for your husband. I was like, okay, I can do that.
Speaker 2:Then I assumed, if I did that, everything would happen right away for me, because I just didn't have a partner in that moment. And then I went up another area within the mountain and I was talking to this man who is Haitian and he asked me this random question. He looked right at me and said Lisa, have you been praying for your husband? And I just remember in that moment being like okay, okay, I hear it, I need to start doing this. And so I thought and I had this assumption, probably many people do is well, if I start praying for it, it's going to happen right away. And that was not the case for me. So for me, I was 25, then I did not meet you until I was 31. So that was six years, six years of dating, trying to figure things out, continue to not lose hope, and I think one of the biggest things for me through that whole period was learning. I mean.
Speaker 3:I taught self-love.
Speaker 2:I taught confidence, but I did not have a lot of self-respect, and so I wanted to share with everybody like self-respect really lays on the foundation of being healthy and fulfilling relationships. When you respect yourself, you naturally attract partners who will respect and value you, creating a relationship built on trust and mutual understanding. And I think for a long time, I wasn't respecting myself, so I wasn't finding partners that were as well, and so I think that until I did that work, I wasn't ready for that, and so it's really cool to think about like that now. In the moment it kind of just sucks, but when I say all of that when it was 2015 for you like and obviously like we were in very different parts of our lives at that time.
Speaker 2:Like what comes up for you when I share that.
Speaker 1:I know we've talked about it before the six year thing, but I just you hearing you say it reminded me I almost had the exact same experience, because in 2015 was a big year for me I was 28 and then I didn't meet you until I was 35 or 36.
Speaker 1:So it's still six years or something like that, 35 or 36. It's still six years or something like that. And 2015, though I was in the process of ruining my life and then piecing it all back together by getting sober and checking into a rehab facility. So I wasn't thinking about my wife at that point, I was barely thinking about my life. But I had a long term girlfriend at that point and when I came back from rehab she was gone. So those things were the furthest from my mind.
Speaker 1:But I did know that I was taking the right step onto where I needed to be in the future. I was like this is really hard, but when you have nothing to lose, you might as well take a new path and try everything you can. And it was about that self-respect, self-love which is something I've always struggled with, even today. It's not like an automatic I love myself all the time type thing. But yeah, it took six years to find the person. That actually is what I needed, and it was a struggle. It was a long time to get there and dating COVID struggle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a long time to get there and dating COVID, different careers, moving all that stuff.
Speaker 2:So Well, and it's kind of crazy to think about, like that's where our lives were. I was in Haiti and you were checking into rehab.
Speaker 3:Like no I think you're helping people.
Speaker 2:I think it's fascinating though, because we were both in very different stages of our lives and so I think people don't like think about those things. Like I was told that I had to start praying for you and I was like, okay, not realizing, like what you were also going through at that moment and six years later, how much work we both had to do on ourselves which is kind of crazy.
Speaker 1:Yep, just like you said, you started praying and I finally started paying attention to God again, because when you're drinking and stuff, you think you're just too smart for all that stuff. So it's interesting, we got started on the same kind of time, totally different parts of the world, and here we are.
Speaker 2:I know, I know, Sitting on my podcast which is crazy, so okay. So what has? I guess like the biggest thing is what was your perspective on love and relationships before we met, and has anything changed since then?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I always had like a relationship, like I wasn't the person who was always dating, like short term, moving on next person, but I would go in a long term one with someone. Then I'd go in a long term single and to me back then it just seemed like another step of your adult life. You're like you need to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or whatever you need just to get to that next step, and it was almost like an accomplishment.
Speaker 1:I wasn't looking at it as something like I needed, or especially, I wasn't looking at it from the other person's point of view, where, like, what do they need from me? And now I completely flipped it. You know, I just I'm like, how does this person like make me better and how do I make this person better? And not just look at the shallow, superficial things like do we look good together, do we have nice friends? You know all that kind of weird stuff you think about when you're younger. But yeah, a lot's changed and I used to go for like a certain type. And then I remember during COVID, before we met, I was like asking God, like just give me what I need, not what I want, you know, because I keep picking wrong. And so it was really funny that you were the next person I met after that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we're very. I think that one of the things that you just said was like when you're younger even some people that you know, I know people marry young too but like I at that point was trying to do like check the box, what are the check the box things? And like obviously you have a lot of the values and morals and qualities that I love in a person, but, like you know, you have a completely different job than I've ever expected. Right, like all of these different pieces. But all of those kind of go out the window when you say like well, what do?
Speaker 1:I. What do I need versus what Like that's such an interesting perspective to have. Yeah, and like what can you give to someone else? You know, it's not something we typically think about. We're kind of selfish in that regard. You're like, oh, I like this person, I like them around. Do they like me around? Do I help them grow and get to where they want to go? None of that occurred to me until my late twenties.
Speaker 2:And so what do you think like? What was your pivoting point when you realized, okay, in order for me to be the person that I need to be in a relationship like, I need to work on myself? Like what was that pivotal moment for you.
Speaker 1:Of course, in 2015, getting sober. But I knew that was going to be a long journey and even after that thing I dated certain people and I knew I just wasn't there yet I was on the right track. But for me the self-love journey has been a long, tough one and it's never actually going to end, in my opinion. You know it's constant work. You've got to keep doing it. It's like a skill If you stop doing it you lose, you know, your ability at it. So really, during COVID I hate to keep bringing up COVID, but I was working on myself a lot.
Speaker 1:I was really praying and I was just so lonely because nobody was hanging out and I didn't have anybody at that time. I just had my dog and I was like and asking God like what do I need? You know, like I know what I want, but like what is it? Like different looking person, different type of person, just I don't know. Like I didn't know what it was, but I was trying to imagine the opposite of everything I ever went for and I knew I still had a long way to go in my journey, like I wasn't totally in love with everything I was doing and not super confident Like I've always known, I've been a good person and I, you know, I hear other people tell you that, but you don't necessarily listen and I knew I needed to be that like whole strong, self-confident person for the person I thought I was going to be able to be with in the future and I just wasn't quite there yet, even when we met.
Speaker 1:You know, like we had a couple of dates. I was still finishing the end of that journey, you know, and, uh, I don't think it ever ends.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I guess the question would be is so you said that you've always struggled with self-love. Like what does that mean? Like where? What did you struggle with? Cause? I don't think guys talk about it enough.
Speaker 1:True, yeah, and it's. I mean, it's becoming a little easier these days, I think, for men to talk about. But to me it's just like the decisions you make, the shortcuts you take they're little, they're inconsequential, but in my mind they add up and I'm like I'm just not doing the right thing or I'm not doing the hard thing, I'm taking the easy way, because we all fall victim to that in today's society. It's like I could go to the gym, but I'm just going to watch Netflix instead. It's those little choices, and a big part of that was really just connecting with God.
Speaker 1:When I got sober, I of course, had to give my life away to God just to get help, but then, six years later, I thought I kind of got this under control, but I realized I was wrong. It's like it's a constant thing. Like you need to put your own desires and stuff out of the way and pray for, like what does God want for you? And like what should I be doing? That's in his plan, and that really is kind of what changed for me. Like at that point I had actually given up on dating. I was like you know what? I'll just be creepy.
Speaker 2:Uncle Mark for the rest of my days as an uncle for my nephews and nieces. I figured it was over. I figured I just accepted it too. I was like, well, that's okay, I can just be a cool uncle or whatever. So I hear the point of you saying, like you had to make choices right, like you had to choose instead of watching Netflix, you had to choose to to go to the gym and things like that. But what were the other choices?
Speaker 2:Because if you really felt like you started this during the covid season, like it wasn't like it just was like, OK, I prayed about it, I'm good now Like you did things. So like, what were those things? So I think sometimes we talk about like okay, now I'm good, Like I know that you did the thing, so like I think the audience would love to hear that.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, there's a few like things that work for me, like journaling and, obviously, prayer, and for me, I've got AA as a resource where I have hundreds of people that totally understand what I'm going through and I can connect with them, and that's something I kind of stopped doing, especially during COVID when they closed all the meetings. But, um, it's getting back out there. It's doing stuff that scares you, you know, taking chances, um, doing what's out of your comfort zone for me is like the biggest one. It's like if I'm scared of doing this, I should do it.
Speaker 2:Like what.
Speaker 1:Like going on a first date with someone from Midland that I didn't even know, like I was like, well, I'm 13 miles away from her, so I guess we could meet up but yeah, just like you know who you are and what you like to do and where your little comfort corner is, and you can just sit there the rest of your life if you want. But it's about breaking out of that and it's like you say, all the time is doing the work and if it's worth having, it's never going to be easy to do, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It seems like all the stuff that we really want in life is going to take sacrifice and you're going to have to get uncomfortable doing it. But yeah, journaling you're going to have to get uncomfortable doing it, but yeah, journaling, talking to peers, it's like you said. Guys don't necessarily talk about it a lot but I have, luckily, a good group of friends where I can tell them what's going on. And I'm lucky I have a great family too that always wants to know how I'm doing and wants to see the best for me.
Speaker 1:But one of the things I do is I kind of hide everything in it. I'm like I give the appearance of doing well, Like. So even when I got sober, everybody was surprised. They're like you drink every day. I was like, oh yeah, I was like, but you seem like you got it all together and you know you're never like drunk when you come around or do these things, I'm like well, you know, it's like a balance, Like as soon as I get home and I'm by myself, it's back to the bottle. So I'm good at hiding that sort of thing. And it was about opening up to people and like saying, hey, I need help. This is where I'm at, you know like what can I do?
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Speaker 2:One of the things I am most proud of is how I continue to put personal development at the forefront of my growth. I know this is something many people struggle with, because we don't always know where to start. There's almost too much information out there. It can become overwhelming and requires research to ensure credibility. I also want something that's accessible anytime and that I can pick back up where I left off. Not only has this been my personal experience, but I've had countless individuals reach out to me for resources. This is why I'm so excited to share with you Lead Within, an online membership platform created for adults, parents and teenagers. It empowers adults in their personal and professional growth, guides parents to nurture resilience in their children and supports teenagers throughout transformative phases.
Speaker 2:If you are struggling with confidence, self-doubt or stress, lead Within offers practical tools. This platform has content covering a wide range of topics and interactive learning resources. With continuous updates of fresh content, your growth journey never ends. Today, we are offering you 50% off your first month of membership. This takes the cost down to just $5. So visit leadconfidentlyorg, backslash leadwithin, and use the promo code podcast 50. Again, that's promo code podcast 50 to unlock your potential today. Together, let's thrive, grow and lead with confidence. So once you started to like open up more, like obviously, like being sober is part of that, but like so is self-love, like there's a lot of pieces I feel like someone can hide from like just anybody in general like maybe they're struggling in their career.
Speaker 2:Maybe they're struggling in their career, maybe they're struggling in their relationship, maybe they're just like angry about something. So people like hold it in. But, like, once you started to open up to people and I think even included in our relationship you had to just communicate, right, what was what changed for you? Like then, by like opening up, how did that help you? Changed for you, like then, by like opening up. How did that help you?
Speaker 1:It's like a lightning experience to like let go and give that out of your soul to someone else and like it seems like such a big secret and you can never tell anybody. But then when you do, you immediately feel lighter. You know, it's like, oh my God, I can't believe, like finally told somebody about that and it kind of gives you a little bit of bravery to do it again. You know, you see, like your friends and family don't run away from you and, you know, leave you on your own. You're like, yeah, there are people who genuinely want what's good for you and sometimes you can convince yourself of the opposite, especially when you spend a lot of time alone and you, you know you don't have these people and examples and relationships to talk to. So, yeah, it was just about not keeping secrets, really for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, keeping the secrets. And I think you made another great point too. It's like when you're struggling, we all just want to like go internal and just like be. Like I'll just hide in my house, let's use that as the example. But really it's about like no, it's about getting out of that comfort zone, taking those first steps, because, honestly, had we both stayed in our rooms and never got out, like we wouldn't be where we are right now. And so how do you feel like let's kind of go back to the relationship piece Like now that you're continuously having to grow, how do you balance the whole individual growth with growing as a couple? Like how do you think that we do that?
Speaker 1:very well, Well, we have a unique setup where my career goals and your career goals demand a lot of our time and finances occasionally.
Speaker 1:Um, obviously, I'm on my path to become to the top of my field, which I should achieve in a few years, but that leaves you all the responsibilities at home when I'm doing that. And then on your end, you know you want to level up as a coach and get your name out there as a speaker, and that's going to require time and money and to me it's not even like a choice. I'm like let's do it because we both support each other, like we know our relationship works and we can keep going down these paths where it's not going to cause us conflict. So it's honestly easier than I thought. When we first started dating and I knew what you did and wanted to do, I thought this is going to be a challenge, but honestly it's been a no brainer. It's just like yeah, do it. Like, if you think this is going to help and get us to where we want to be, I want it to.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, luckily, like I, have a stable job, You're allowed to take some risks, so I think it's a nice balance, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, it's different than everyone else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and like to set the tone for everybody. Like Mark's job leave leaves me at home, you know, four weeks every other, I guess every other month.
Speaker 2:Like kind of like holding down the household while you grow in your career. But then I also feel, like you know, from communication aspect. I remember like when we first started dating and me making big changes, I and then we were like sharing finances right before we got married and I was like, oh, I'm going to start spending this money to invest in myself. And we had I had to call you and like have those conversations.
Speaker 2:But it's funny, I think the first time you're nervous because, you're like I'm making a big investment to grow and I promised myself I would never stop growing even when I'm in a relationship, but I think the difference is is like I have a partner who also is investing in themselves, like I know that you know you have a test coming up in like soon for your career and it's actually kind of nice that like completely, completely different careers.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But very like OK, let's do this together. And then we both start still read books that are trying to help us grow.
Speaker 2:We talk about different podcasts, Like we have those conversations on top of like the goofy fun pieces of a relationship, to like our adventures and hiking and all of that. So I think it's like also that balance a little bit. And so you know, I guess, what qualities did you like? Let's dive into like the quality piece of like each other a little bit. So what were some qualities that showed up for you when we started dating or even now that we're married that shows like, hey, Lisa did the self-work on herself before we met.
Speaker 1:Well, my mind always goes to our first date, when we met at the park and I was dressed in my nice Lululemon clothes and I thought this is a first date, you want to look like you know, like you mean it. And then you showed up in your shorts and tennies and a tank top and my first thought was like this girl doesn't even care, like she's you know she's not here, maybe she's trying to get a free lunch out of this or something. But what I realized by the end after talking to you for like two hours, is like this person is just confident, like they're not going to try to trick anybody. You know, like people kind of show up as the representative on the first few dates to kind of trick you and hook you in Not with you. I was like this is so refreshing. I feel like I actually got to know this person pretty well in the first couple hours that we met and it made me kind of chuckle because I was thinking back to my prayers, like give me something different.
Speaker 1:I usually have the needy, codependent type person that makes me feel good but causes me a lot of stress. Absolute opposite. This person knows what they're doing. They know what they want Get on board or, you know, get going. And so it was really just refreshing.
Speaker 1:And I haven't met a woman in especially a dating sense that was like that confident in such a genuine way. Because people are good at faking confidence these days, you know you can do it through a number of ways. You're almost like tricking people. But I never got that sense with you. And then I'm sure I opened up on our first date about my struggles in sobriety, which is not something you lead with typically when you're trying to impress someone. But it was just so comfortable and I knew you'd understand it, you know, and so that was such like a big piece clicking for me when we had that first date. So I mean, I've learned every day since then all the work you do to stay the person you are, and it's motivating and I've stolen some of your tricks and things like that, so it's good for me too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's funny to think back to our first date because literally, we were going for a walk, so why wouldn't a girl wear tank top and shorts? You showed up in Lulu.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh man, he looks nice. But I think that that's also like you know, and to take people into my eyes that day it's funny to hear that confidence come out, because I felt confident with you, but an hour before I almost bailed. I wasn't even going to show up because I was having body dysmorphia issues.
Speaker 2:And I was like what? Like nothing looks good on me. He's going to like think all these things of me. But then I had to work on my own self-motivation internally and have those talks with myself of like give this guy a chance, like who cares what you look like this.
Speaker 2:Your body's not going to change anytime soon, Right, and so perspective wise, and I had to give myself that mindset shift. So I think even personal growth comes back to like we have to do it all the time, Like it's just kind of this continuation and I think one of the things for you like we just hit it off because we could have real conversations.
Speaker 2:I think we were also in our. I wouldn't say I messed around in my twenties but I don't think I knew what I wanted, say I messed around in my twenties but I don't think I knew what I wanted, and so I wasn't always open or like wasn't fully myself, and I think then I had to do that work. And so even I think when you were going through even um, I think it was like our first like six months of dating, like you were having some self-love issues and I think that you opening up to me and saying like this is going on, I need to talk about it, we need to have the like made me see, okay, I am with the right person because he's opening up about it and we're in this together.
Speaker 2:Versus like you, holding it all inside, making it be like life's great, everything's good, because if we're gonna do this, we have to like just be honest with each other.
Speaker 1:Exactly that's what I noticed right away with you. It was so genuine which generally you don't get on a first date with people.
Speaker 1:You're like oh, she seemed cool and you know I have no idea if she's crazy or not so that was really the biggest like hook for me. And then, of course, like you mentioned, we had a couple of dates and then, you know, it wasn't till like six months later we actually started dating, and that was because I was still finishing what I needed to do, and I'll share a little bit. Like, after those first few dates I was so like impressed and into you. I was worried I wasn't going to blow it.
Speaker 1:You know I was like you're just going to screw this up again, so like I withdrew you know, until I figured out like ended up just for me getting back on a prescription for a short term and plugging in with some of my contacts. But you know it was. It was just like worth it, you're worth it, you know. Hopefully you're still there and like this is the person you should fight for, fight yourself, fight your demons, fight your past and very grateful, honestly.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and I think it's like kind of cool because I think in my past I like would get back together with people and they wouldn't change, or I wasn't changing either. But, I think you saying like I bailed for a while right, like how to do my own thing, but there was growth there Like it wasn't, like you bailed and came back the same person.
Speaker 2:Just changed my mind Right Like you were like no, I need to step away because I didn't love myself, I had to do these things. And I think, like, even if you're in a relationship now, it's important to like, realize like hey, like it doesn't mean that you bail per se, it's just saying to the partner like I need help, like, and just being honest, because I think now we just have that relationship where, like I think a couple months ago or in 2024, I was struggling and I remember calling you, being like I don't know what to do, and you talked me through it verse just being like well, figure it out, you know. Like we're in this together type of thing.
Speaker 2:So, yeah and so okay. So obviously we're talking all the good, we're talking all the good, but obviously we've had conflict, like, let's be honest, like I think our our first, I would say our, our engagement year was the most conflict we ever had, where we had the most like miscommunication, not in a bad way but how do you think like? Having self-growth, having self-love, having all of that helped us get through the conflict.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, when I think about it, it's like if you don't have that self-love about yourself, like you're just going to be looking elsewhere for all your problems, you know you're going to blame this person and, no matter what they do, it's not going to be good enough because it's not going to really make you feel any better. So, like in this relationship actually having some modicum of self-love and self-confidence, you look at problems differently and you actually want to learn, since we both kind of have this fix it mentality me being an engineer and you being a personnel coach like we want to know what can we do to fix it? Like okay, I wasn't aware that's how you were feeling about that thing I said or what I did. So you know it's nice to be able to actually just voice those concerns and share and then both of us walking away with like this is what we should do about it. You know that never, never happened to me before. It'd be like you get mad at someone. Then they'd be like why are you?
Speaker 3:mad at me.
Speaker 1:And you're like I'm not really sure, and then it would just go in circles and eventually you'd both just forget about it until it came up again. You know there was no growth or change there and um for us and like I'll be honest, I don't want to brag I feel like our conflicts have been pretty easy overall in the big picture, but like they actually have, you know, something came out of them yeah like we don't repeat the same mistakes that we've had so far in our three years together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, and now we're like still like young in the marriage life, but I think communication was always key. And also I think one of the things that caused the conflicts was insecurities Like you would have your own, I had my own, and we brought those to the like, even though we still were like working on ourselves, like we still had insecurities, and so I think that that's what was causing the conflict is like I wasn't dealing with my own stuff.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I was like, like, and then you would get mad at me about something and I would take it so personal because I didn't do the work on that piece of my life or I hadn't finished the work, you know. And so I think one thing that like we had to really work on is like we've had this conversation twice, we can't have it again, like we need to find the solution.
Speaker 2:And then, like you said, not repeating it as well and so you know, if you could thank your past self for one important lesson before marriage that, like, really set you up, what would it be important?
Speaker 1:lesson before marriage that like really set you up. What would it be? Um, I guess, just like I mean thinking about my past self, I was pretty selfish in relationships and I didn't mean to be. I think it was just natural and you don't really think about it. It's, uh, you know, like try to figure out what you can do for this person. Like how do you make them better? Cause, like like, making yourself better by dating someone is like easy, because that's obviously what you want, but like looking at how can you be the perfect partner for this person and it doesn't mean giving up your beliefs or morals or you know whatever but like how can you really improve this person's life just by being yourself? And then, keeping that in mind and maybe someone does have low self-esteem like how can I help that person improve their self-esteem? But like, yeah, as far as one bit of advice is, don't stop praying and don't stop trying you know, just keep going, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I guess that's like the lesson that you kind of learned and I guess the advice that you're giving and I would say to everybody out there, for me it's like the more work you can do to love yourself and respect yourself before you're starting. Or if you're dating right now, like and you're struggling with it, like start now, Like it's never too late to start, because it's going to be an evolution of life.
Speaker 2:And so you said something earlier too about like things get uncomfortable, like I had to get out of my comfort zone, like all of these things, like we wouldn't have met had we not both got out of our comfort zone. So like to someone's like listening in today, saying like I, that's really tough for me, you know. So what would you say to someone to encourage them to grow in personal growth, to get uncomfortable even when it's uncertain?
Speaker 1:I'd say it's worth it. I mean, I think all of us who struggle with like self-esteem or getting out of that comfort zone, we know what we need to do Generally. It's not like we're just feeling around in the dark. It's about taking that leap and it's a hundred percent worth it in any aspect of your life. If you're trying to grow in your career sports relationships, your life, if you're trying to grow in your career, you know sports relationships, whatever it's you gotta, you know what you gotta do and it's worth doing, and you know ask for help. Everyone's everyone wants to help you. I think I find that like there's not a lot of people in the world who would be like, screw you, I'm not helping you. I have not had that experience in 37 years. So yeah, it's uncomfortable, but it's worth it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2:Well, and I love you, so thank you for being on the podcast and for sharing all of this and uh, and just to kind of like recap for today, like I really love that, Like one of the things I think I'm most proud of just in my whole journey is that personal growth and then also watching other people in relationships do that. So if you can take anything away from today, it's like you know, be bold, be you. You know. Know that things are not going to be perfect. Our journey to meeting each other in our lives now aren't perfect, right, Like it's all of those types of pieces like all come together. But it does make life pretty beautiful when you can go through it with someone, when you, because you are being who you are, because at the end of the day, we all want that for each other.
Speaker 2:So so thank you for being on the podcast. Thank you, I appreciate you. Thank you all for tuning in to today's topic and just spending time with me and my husband on his first time ever being on our podcast. I hope that you took away so many key things around personal growth, about growing in your relationship with another person, communication, self-love, self-respect all of these different aspects that I think we talk about so much on this podcast, about how we have to start here internally in order for us to grow and help not only ourselves but those around us. So, like I always say, if you need support, I'm here for you. I do a lot of coaching one-on-one, so just reach out to me, dm me at LisaTarkingtonOfficial on Instagram, or if you're looking to just kind of do some self-paced work, we have our amazing Lead Within platform and, if you look at our show notes, there is a code for you as well, so that you can get 50% off your first month and that really helps you grow in how to overcome limiting beliefs, finding your purpose, having goals. These are all things that really relate to this episode as well, because you need to grow in all of these aspects in order to be more whole with yourself. So, as I always say on every podcast, continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet, including yourselves, and have a great day. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Confident Podcast.
Speaker 2:If today's episode resonated with you, head over to leadconfidentlyorg for today's show notes, along with discounts to our services. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button, leave a review and follow us on Instagram and YouTube at the Confident Podcast. Your feedback means the world to me and it helps more people discover the show. And hey, if you're feeling inspired to dive deeper, let's connect. You can find me on Instagram at LisaTarkingtonOfficial. Drop me a message and let's explore how I can support your journey to confidence and leadership. Remember you have the power to choose confidence every single day. Keep showing up, keep striving and keep believing in your potential. I'm cheering you on and I'll see you next time.
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