The Confident Podcast
The Confident Podcast, presented by Lead and hosted by certified coach and Lead President Lisa Tarkington, is your go-to resource for mastering confidence and leadership. Whether you're battling self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or just looking for a space to feel understood, this podcast offers real conversations, practical tools, and expert insights to support your growth. You’re not alone in your journey—no matter where you are in life, you'll find motivation, connection, and strategies to step into your full potential with confidence.
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The Confident Podcast
EP 190 | Part 1: Confidence, Sobriety, and the Power of Second Chances
This is Part 1 of 2.
What if the path to your best self began with a single brave step forward? Join our host, Lisa Tarkington, as she sits down with her husband Marc and two inspiring individuals, Adam Wittbrodt and Peter Buist, to explore their personal paths to sobriety and the lessons they’ve learned along the way. These personal accounts reveal how overcoming addiction is not just about breaking free from substances but also about embracing second chances and building a foundation of self-love and strong relationships. Through their experiences, we highlight the importance of living amends and being truly present for the people who matter the most. Their stories are raw, powerful, and a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
Chapters:
- 0:00: Journey to Sobriety and Resilience
- 14:34: Overcoming Addiction
- 26:17: Journey to Emotional Recovery
- 35:51: Rebuilding Relationships in Sobriety
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When you said all of our stories are different, I kind of feel obviously they are, but I don't know about you guys. I can sit here and I can I literally can relate to that feeling you had and the feeling you had, and it was someone. Someone said to me it was a little, you know, dust particle of wisdom that still rings in my head today. They said don't ever compare, just relate. Yep, just relate. I had today. They said don't ever compare, just relate. Yep, just relate.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the Confident Podcast. I am Lisa Tarkington, your guide to mastering confidence and leadership. As the business and life coach keynote speaker and the driving force behind LEAD, I am here to help you break free from self-doubt, silence the imposter syndrome and step into your power as the person you're meant to be. If you press play today, it's because you're ready for something bigger.
Speaker 4:Each week, I'll bring you real, raw conversations and actionable insights that will empower you to redefine your leadership, reclaim your confidence and transform into the unstoppable force you've always known that you could be.
Speaker 3:This isn't just another podcast. It's a journey we're on together, so buckle up and let's dive into this transformation. Your next level awaits. Hey everybody, welcome back for another episode of the Confident Podcast. I am your host, lisa Tarkington, and I am really excited about today's episode.
Speaker 3:This is actually going to be part one of two, because we had such an amazing conversation that we couldn't just fit it into one podcast episode. We had to do two of them, and it's special, it's raw and it's inspiring, and it's a topic that I've never discussed before. Honestly, it's a topic that I know enough about to ask the right questions, but hearing the stories is just so powerful. We're going to be talking about being sober, whether that looks with drugs or that looks like with alcohol. This really came from me thinking a lot about resilience starting the year off in 2025, about how I want to be resilient, how there's people in my life that are resilient, but that doesn't mean that you're perfect. That also means that you are going to go through hard times. You've gone through hard times, and it also means that with resilience there come setbacks. There's things in our lives that causes us to struggle, and I was talking to a friend the other day about second chances second chances for ourselves, second chances for us to believe in ourselves and this topic is all about that, and I'm not going to be sitting alone. I am going to have three amazing guests yes, three. This is the first time we've ever done something like this. Three amazing guests yes three. This is the first time we've ever done something like this, but we have three individuals who have just been really dominant in my life, I would say in a good way, like Adam, peter and my husband, mark, will be joining us. All three of them have been part of my life in a different way.
Speaker 3:Peter came into my life through my nonprofit sitting on a committee supporting us and cheering us on on, and ever since then has been one of our biggest advocates. He's really dear to my heart and I know he's someone that I can just call anytime Adam. He is phenomenal. He is actually trained to teach lead curriculum and he's been able to inspire so many incredible people by his story. And then there's my husband, who I'm just so proud of for his journey to becoming sober. It's something that we talked about on our first date together, and it's just something that I've learned so much about from being with him.
Speaker 3:And then I just really wanted this conversation to be open for everybody, because I have learned so much. I'm inspired every day, and I know many of you guys will be as well, so this is a big honor and, like, I want to talk a little bit about being sober. So you know, sober what we're going to be talking about today is from alcohol and drugs, but I know people have different things that they're addicted to as well, so we're going to dive a little bit into those things too. But every everything that we're going to be talking about today, I hope that you can relate in some way, understand a little bit more about and just hear some really great stories. So let's dive into part one of two of this conversation.
Speaker 3:All right well, welcome Peter, Adam and my incredible husband, mark, to the Confident Podcast. I'm so excited to have you guys here. We've never actually had three guests at one time, so you guys are the first ones to kind of capture 2025, start us off strong, and we're going to be talking about being sober, relationships within it, your journey to it and then, kind of like your love for yourself through it. So I figured what I would do is kind of start us out with you, each kind of giving an intro of who you are, how you got to where you are, maybe how many years you've been sober and if you've ever had relapse. So, adam, do you want to go first?
Speaker 1:I do.
Speaker 3:Okay, cool.
Speaker 1:So my name's Adam Whitbrough. My journey started many years ago. I had about 15 years, give or take a few years, where I was basically in and out. It wasn't really recovery, it was abstinence the periods I did have, and up until 2016, my life was a mess. I wasn't necessarily addicted to one substance, it was just more of whatever I was doing. So it highlights some personality traits and I could go into depth on that. But yeah, eight and a half years right now working on nine, one day at a time, though Wow.
Speaker 3:So eight years sober. How many times did it take you to get to that eight years?
Speaker 1:I couldn't even tell you it was. A lot of mine was with the legal system and I would try to work the system right. So what can I get away with while I'm on probation? And then I'd try to manipulate the system whether it's getting prescriptions. You know, I don't. I don't have a breathalyzer for another month so I can drink the whole month, can't smoke weed, but I can do this. So it was periods of abstinence when I was in jail or in prison and then basically fast forward. I had my first chance at actual recovery with some guidance from the courts and a treatment center and other programs around.
Speaker 3:So Wow, Well, congrats on eight years, that's awesome Thank you, what about you, peter?
Speaker 5:Yeah, so I've been sober for six and a half years and alcohol was my, was my jam. You know, one of my jokes is I went pro early and retired early. Um, you know, it just kind of took over my life and when I got sober, um, it was because I got enough fear inside me that I couldn't not drink and um, so I just knew something had to be done. Um, I'd tried many times in my life for um various reasons to be done. I tried many times in my life, for various reasons, to control it, not drink as much, only drink weekends, all the classic thinking that's going to work. And for me, it took reaching my bottom, which was a, you know, a major event in my life that changed everything, and I dug into a 12-step program that changed my life and I haven't, luckily, by the grace of God, really have not relapsed or touched alcohol since my sobriety date, june 10th 2018.
Speaker 3:Wow, so six and a half, you said.
Speaker 5:Six and a half years continuous sobriety. It's changed my life. It's so much better. You know we can go.
Speaker 3:You know we're going to go into that, but it's. It's changed my life.
Speaker 5:It's so much better.
Speaker 3:Um, you know, we can go you know we're going to go into that, but it's um yeah, I love life today. That makes me happy for you guys.
Speaker 2:Awesome. And then Mark, what about you? Yeah, my name's Mark. Um, I'm sober nine years and three months. Um, yeah, my sobriety date was September 9th 2015. I had one relapse. It was after being sober for a couple months and I thought I've got this beat, but that's all it took to show me. I really had no control over the whole thing, and before I got treatment, I was probably the picture perfect functioning alcoholic. My family didn't know, my live-in girlfriend didn't know, my job obviously didn't know. So it just got to a point where it was get sober or death. And so for me, I was lucky, I got into a treatment program and the rest is history. Everything I have today is because of my sobriety, and I never forget it.
Speaker 3:Awesome. So relapse once, and then how many years again?
Speaker 3:Nine years, nine years Three years three months and change, so you guys are almost all a decade. Like that's incredible, congratulations. So we're going to dive more into your eyes as a story of like, okay, you're sober, but what led you there? I think you guys shared a little bit of it, but, like I'd love for you guys to go a little bit deeper for our audience, just to like set the tone of like this is what it took me to get sober. So, peter, would you mind starting for us?
Speaker 5:Sure, not at all. You know, for me, you know, alcohol started. You know, probably like most people experimenting in high school. I can go back and look that I never drank well, you know, I always drank to pass out. And then as I got older, you know, you get into college it was kind of normal People drank, I think in college you are alcoholic maybe and it just was a pattern that kept going.
Speaker 5:And as I got older it went from something that I did on a good day or maybe a bad day to something I did regularly and it got to the point where I needed it and I didn't want to admit that I was addicted, I didn't want to admit that I was alcoholic or anything like that, but it slowly consumed me to the point where I had an event and I've just recently talked about this and I called it three seconds, and it was three seconds that changed my life and most people are like, oh, was it for the better?
Speaker 5:No, actually that was the point where my drinking got so bad I didn't care anymore and I would go, you know, three days to 21 days in a row of, you know, drinking to the point of blackout, and it was affecting my marriage. It was affecting all aspects of my life and I didn't know what to do. I just knew I didn't drink well and one day I woke up and asked for help and that was the first honest moment I had in my life that it felt good. And I ended up going through divorce, starting a new career, getting sober, doing all these things at the same time, and I needed that bottom we all about. We have different bottoms that leads us to surrender. I needed to hit my bottom. Divorce was part of that. It made me take sobriety real and you know my life has changed completely because of that.
Speaker 3:So when you say you were drinking like elaborate, so was that like a morning through night thing, or was that like I worked all day, was with my kids all day, and then the drinking started?
Speaker 5:Yeah, I was a nighttime isolating drinker. Um, I would do all my duties. I was a stay at home dad and so I would do all the duties with the kids. You know, dinner, swim practices, whatever it was, and the boys would go to bed and I would go to my office and just drink. And you know, for me, you know, to drink a half a bottle or a full bottle of Jack Daniels in one night was not uncommon. Um, you know, always it wasn't like I could just have two and be done, always drink until I blacked out. You know, that was the pattern and it's only luck that I didn't get a DUI, that I didn't go to treatment, that I didn't have to do detox. I was headed towards all those things.
Speaker 5:In the recovery world we talk about the Jalonic chart and there's different levels of severity. World we talk about the Jelinek chart and there's different levels of severity. You know, I was lucky enough to get to a point where recovery became my focus before I got so bad that I had one of those life-changing events. But I'm convinced, you know, I was headed towards death. You know. Major health problems or jail, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, when you brought up earlier, when you were sharing that with control, like I tried to control it. What does that mean? Like you said, I didn't do weekends, and maybe you guys have felt that way too, but what does that mean?
Speaker 5:Yeah, that's a great question from a normie.
Speaker 2:Think you're in control. That's why I'm asking here's a great question from a normie Think you're in control. That's why I'm asking here's a great example.
Speaker 5:If I do go out to a restaurant and maybe I'm with my girlfriend and she leaves a glass of wine half drank, that's foreign to me. I don't have the control to let that go. I would have definitely drank that. And and so we, we fool ourselves into thinking that we can control our, um, whatever our addiction is and it's really not just alcohol or drugs, it's. It's very common thinking in in any type of addiction, uh, addictive behavior, that we think we can control it. But I have plenty of evidence in my life that I can't just drink one Um. You know, one is too many and a thousand is not enough, is the saying. And so I opened up a bottle of Jack Daniels and it was gone. That was a sure thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, wasn't that interesting too, cause it was probably a lot of judgment and you probably all felt that way from, like someone who isn't going through that, like you can't just stop right, like you guys probably hear all of these things and we'll dive into that, because I bet that gets really frustrating.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. You know, my dad used to tell me that when I finally opened up about my drinking problem, he goes you just need to drink less. Okay, Like I'll try that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's tough right. Like to hear those things that we can dive into more of those stigmas and judgments here. But, mark, would you mind sharing a? Little bit more about like what led you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, similar experience Started drinking at 16 with friends and then got to college where everyone passes the alcoholic test basically. And then I'll never forget it. The first time I bought a bottle and got drunk by myself, I think it was my sophomore, junior year of college and I knew it. Then I was like this is a problem and I bought a bottle every day to drink after work, after school, whatever. For six years, almost getting blackout drunk every night until I finally reached the end of my rope.
Speaker 2:I had a good job, I had a girlfriend, I had a dog, I was living in a place in Ferndale and I was actually working two jobs because I needed the money to support my addiction. And I just got to the end of my rope. I was exhausted, I was stressed out, I was kind of trying to reach out for help but people just didn't want to believe it about me because I was so normal, like I wasn't stumbling around drunk day to day. You know I could go to family Christmases or office work parties and, just, you know, drink normally because my tolerance was so high. But then by the time I would get home I would just finish. I mean it was always a bottle of Smirnoff 100 for me every day.
Speaker 2:For years I did that every night, just no change. And every time I bought one I was like I have a problem. I know I have a problem, but I'm just not going to do anything about it right now because this is working. And I was scared. I didn't exactly know what to do. But after enough time like that and I was lucky too I never got any DUIs. I should have, but I never did. I never injured or harmed myself or anybody. Thankfully that's just all grace of God right there. I definitely did my part in trying to do as much of that as I could, but one day I just I had enough. I was stressed at work, I was stressed in my relationship. I had a plan to just end it all and so I got in my car and I started driving north. Luckily, like by pure luck, neighbor saw my car up in Augere and they're like what's your son doing up here? And because everyone was looking for me at that point.
Speaker 3:And so they were able to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, either way. It's just they, they saw me and they're like that's not right. And so my parents were able to catch up with me on my way. I think I was going to North Dakota, if I remember correctly. I was going to be like a roughneck and then just end my life or something. That seemed like a good idea at the time. But with all that drinking, you know that stuff sounds good to you after long enough. And yeah, I got in treatment. Treatment went well.
Speaker 2:I had had a couple months of sobriety and then I went and did a bike race with my sponsor and after that race race I was just feeling good. I was like you know, I want a beer. Like I just I deserve a beer. I think I've done pretty good. And within an hour I was back at the liquor store buying my bottle of Smirnoff 100. So a couple more weeks went by and I just, finally I was like okay, I know I can't do this like, I know there's no, there's no way I can just have a beer or two without getting drunk. It clicked. It clicked for me. I just started going back to meetings and getting in with my sobriety group. I fully committed and that made all the difference. Because I just had to prove to myself as much as denial we're in about our drinking for years and years, I just finally made sense. I was like, okay, drinking not for you, never again. And yeah, it's been that way for nine years.
Speaker 3:Wow, yeah, yeah. And I think, like you both have just like very different stories too of like you were married or married. You know you had kids you were taking care of and you were going through that. You were single, living down in Detroit, michigan, you know, trying to figure a life out, and you know you were on the path of completely ending your life to make it come reality and you had your parents come and show up for you.
Speaker 1:and so, adam, like I would love to hear your story as well so, first, to lay the foundation, my I said more before addicted to, to more and I used everything. But it seemed that whatever I started with that, I always came back to opiates, some variation of opiates. And that all started in high school. I was a baseball player athlete in high school and I had hurt my neck. Well, the doctor prescribed me back then it was Vicodin, and I didn't in the moment realize it was a problem. But I remember, reflecting on that time now that I was going to my mom two hours after I took my dose, like hey, can I have another dose? And she's like no, adam, it's four to six hours. I was taking the maximum amount I could, which was two every four hours. I was.
Speaker 1:So it wasn't about necessarily pain regulation, it was more about chasing that, that feeling that it gave me. So I didn't start really recreationally using at that moment. It was, you know, a couple years later and my dad died and my grandpa died. So I had a lot of death in my life at a young age and what happened was I went to instead of, you know, talking to people that were there for me. For me, I had this, I don't know. I felt obligated to be the strong one and not cry and not be sad and be there for everybody else. But I wasn't prioritizing my own well-being, so instead of processing the emotions and feeling them and then navigating through them.
Speaker 1:I just used and this was. It got progressively worse over the years, where I went from just taking the pill to, okay, I can crush this up and snort it to. You know, at one point I was injecting Oxycontin and then, uh, I it just put me in like I broke the law, put me in this cycle of all right I'm, I'm laying in bed, I have cold sweats, diarrhea, I'm vomiting from being dope sick, and then you know, it's either go through that for four or five, six, seven days, which is really really hard, uh, or I can, I can go get high again and I feel better. So then it wasn't even about the avoidance anymore, it was just about survival, right, not being sick anymore. And so my cycle was basically like my detox happened in jail. I'd detox in jail and then, when I'd get out, I'd try and manipulate the system and I'd get in jail. And then, when I'd get out, I'd try and manipulate the system and I'd get in trouble again. So it was. It was basically like jail, where I had abstinence I'd get out.
Speaker 1:It would be relapse, and then it would be jail abstinence relapse, jail abstinence relapse. That went on for like 15 years until I my moment was June 22nd. I went to jail. But it was back to January 29th. I was at work, actually, and I had someone bring me some heroin. Well, it was cut with fentanyl and I overdosed. Luckily someone was there, found me, police came, ambulance came, resuscitated me and then they took the drugs and tested them. Well, they left me out. They didn't take me to jail then because they had to test the bag. So I continued to use after that.
Speaker 1:But when I went to jail it was still three weeks until I had my like aha moment where my hands went in the air and I was like I don't care what I got to do If I have to cut my foot off. I need change in my life because this isn't okay. And that was. I was talking to my bunkie in jail and I was like this is bull crap that these police arrested me and these paramedics revived me just so the cops could charge me with a felony and I it was like an out-of-body, like I'm an idiot. I'm literally an idiot. I'm I'm complaining that they saved my life and that was my like hands up. What do I gotta do?
Speaker 1:So that willingness in that moment was what? What gave me the ability to start? Okay, looking internally, what, what's going on? Why? Why do I avoid, you know, pain, emotional pain? How can I, how can I address these issues? And I had no answers. So it was like you know, my peers, uh, professionals, everybody, anybody who had professionals, everybody, anybody who had like a dust particle of knowledge or wisdom they could drop on me. I was like taking it all in.
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Speaker 3:Wow, I actually like find this fascinating that Avery's story is different too right, because I think you just like hear the stories of like drank a lot, got sober right. Like you don't hear, like the path that you guys, like you all, had different paths that took you there, right, the all different paths to get getting sober. So, first off, like I know how hard that is, so good job. Like right, like I know that you guys know that, but I have to say that as well. And so, like, as we go through today and kind of like talk on this podcast, feel free to ask each other questions or elaborate on other questions that we'll have, because I know that you guys are all on these journeys together too right, and so you might even be able to elaborate more than I can on things.
Speaker 3:So take me back to like first week, first three days of getting sober. Like I have this assumption that that would be my hardest timeframe. You guys might tell me differently. So does anybody want to share what that was like for them? Anybody can go. You all don't have to share I wanted to add one thing to what you just said.
Speaker 1:When you said all of our stories are different, I kind of feel obviously they are, but I don't know about you guys. I can sit here and I literally can relate to that feeling you had and the feeling you had, and it was someone said to me, it was a little, you know, dust particle of wisdom that still rings in my head today. They said don't ever compare, just relate, just relate.
Speaker 2:Oh 100%.
Speaker 5:You know, I was thinking the same thing and you get this. Like you know, mark and I were doing the recovery.
Speaker 5:Nod where we can relate to everything he's saying and that was one of the catalysts for me, um, to really dive into recovery and what um the people that I was around, like Adam, was talking about the suggestions that they had, that I went all in because I went from comparing myself and the first time I got around recovery people, um, I kept going I'm not as bad as you, I'm not as bad as you, I'm not as bad as you I'm not as bad as you, and if I listened to this for a little bit, I would become a responsible drinker, and we usually laugh when I say
Speaker 5:something like that, because we know how ridiculous that is. When I heard somebody tell their story, that felt like my story to a T, to the point where he said something that I had journaled that week and it was at the end of the day, whether it was a good day or a bad day, I would say F it and I would drink. And he said those exact same words and his story was a little bit different than mine. Adam's story is very different. I didn't go to jail I could have and I probably should have but I can understand that desperation, that misery that he felt. And when I started to relate to that, that's when everything changed and I went all in on the program.
Speaker 3:Good reflection on that, guys Awesome.
Speaker 2:To kind of answer your question about those first few days. For me it was the most relief I felt in my entire life because my secret was out and I was holding it so tight for so long. Even when I tried to tell people, they didn't want to believe it. So when I found myself in treatment at an inpatient rehab center, that was probably the best I'd felt in like 10 years. Like I was like I'm finally doing something about this and at the same time I'm at rock bottom too. I'm embarrassed. I have to go back to work. I have to face my family, my friends, everyone who knows me.
Speaker 2:But it was a chance. It was a chance to do the right thing and that's really all I'd been looking for, because I was too afraid to do it myself. I didn't have the strength or the confidence or even really the will at that point, but it was. I mean, if anyone's been in inpatient rehab, it's a lot of meetings, it's a lot of therapy, you meet with the psychologist, you know you go to group. But that chance to get it all out, like to finally tell your story and like what these guys were saying, everything that the people that were saying at the table you could relate to. You're like oh, it's not just me, like I'm not going through this alone and it was the most freeing feeling I've had in my entire life, like I'll never forget it and I'm just so grateful that I ended up there, instead of the hundreds of other places I could have ended up if things would have gone a different way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, would you guys elaborate on any of that? I was miserable, I was you know I was completely, oh, like when you like, got sober.
Speaker 5:So those first days and weeks I was miserable and because, you know, the one coping mechanism that worked for me to forget about all my problems was gone. For me to forget about all my problems was gone. I, you know, and I do believe. You know, I do believe in the spiritual side of recovery and I do believe my higher power had taken that craving away. So now I don't have that and I'm going to these meetings and people are talking and I'm not relating. You know, I don't really think I belong there.
Speaker 5:But you know, I'm trying to win all these things that I was losing in my life.
Speaker 5:I was holding on to these things and I was going to get them all back and I can remember not having moments where I didn't feel miserable.
Speaker 5:And slowly, as things started to resonate with me and, like I said, you know, the catalyst to change was relating to others I started getting moments of relief and moments turn into maybe a half a day, and half a day turn into days and then weeks, and it's been a slow process. You know, even after six and a half years I can think that way still. You know they don't always all those character defects that I had that I used as excuses to drink and to cope with not having any emotional or spiritual tools in my life. That thinking's still there. The difference today is that I have those tools and through counseling, recovery, step work and my peers really I learned the most from guys like Adam and Mark. Thank God for that and that's one of the reasons that I continue to stay strongly in recovery, because I want to share what I have learned from others so that maybe the next person can find that catalyst that'll get them to relate and change.
Speaker 3:When you said miserable, was it physical or was it emotionally?
Speaker 5:Emotionally, I didn't go through detox. Okay, I don't know how. I met with a local 1016 is a local treatment center. I did meet with a counselor and in her evaluation I didn't need treatment, I didn't need detox, but there was a lot of suggestions, counseling, 12-step programs. My local community had a church service that was called Recovery, resurrection, so that got me connected back to the spiritual side of recovery. And so, yeah, emotionally I just, you know, I didn't have tools. I was a 45-year-old man with adolescent abilities when it came to dealing with the emotional and spiritual side of life.
Speaker 3:Wow, anything that you would add.
Speaker 1:Mine was absolutely miserable the detox process. I remember still how the wool blanket in jail felt against my skin when I was so hot, but I was shivering and I was sweating and so I don't know if you know about in jail. If you tell them you're detoxing, they put you in a holding tank where you're like it's like being on TV, it feels like, and I just wanted a little privacy so I didn't actually tell them. I'm pretty sure that they knew I was detoxing. They put me into population where I could actually have a little bit of privacy Because, jail, you go to the bathroom in front of everybody, you're doing all those things and I was in pretty rough shape for like two weeks.
Speaker 1:It was anger, a lot of anger, and it was directed towards the police in the beginning. It probably took me like it was about after that moment where I started really reflecting, the moment I said earlier, where I had that out-of-body experience, where I started actually looking like, oh, this is my fault, and I thank God that I was in jail, that I went right from jail to treatment and that I had a pretty lengthy prison sentence hanging over my head. That was a deterrent, because the first three weeks. While I was laying there, I was just shivering, it was. I can't wait to get out and get high.
Speaker 2:I can't wait to get out and get high.
Speaker 1:And it was literally like I would dream about it. I would in my dream, I would. It felt like I was getting high, it was that it was that intense, and then I'd wake up and I'd't you know, because I don't know that. I, I don't know that I would be here today if I would have been out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, yeah so one of these things that probably came with you guys getting sober is relationships. Let's just talk relationships for a second. Like we, we all, you all had relationships then. Right, you have relationships now. So how are those ones that you had then? How are they now? Or maybe they're not even around anymore, and how do you build relationships differently now? Like, is there anger? Is there? Like you know, you brought up like secret keeping, like your secret was out, so it's probably different now. So anybody want to share on that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll start so. During my using specifically with my family, it was basically like they cared about me, I cared about them, but there wasn't any trust Talking more about like my intimate relationships and even friendships during my using. They were all structured around whatever chemical it was. So, to give you an example and elaborate on that, a girlfriend I had at the time. We were both addicted to the same substance, so we were basically our lives both were revolving around that chemical and there was no real depth of connection. So there were surface level connections. It was just about like helping each other get high. And then, since I have way more in depth relationships, friends, I've gotten my family's trust back. Uh, my wife and I, we have a very deep spiritual connection. So there it's just like I think about life and how shallow everything was for me as far as enjoyment then, and then how deep it just continues to get. You know, the level of connection that I have with people just continues to grow.
Speaker 3:Awesome, yeah, that trust piece. So was it not trust because you weren't telling the truth or like what? Why did that break?
Speaker 1:So the trust I stole from family, I lied to him. You know. I tell my mom, hey, I want to go pick up a video game from a friend and then that friend would have a video game and he would put heroin inside of it. So I would come out to my mom's vehicle with the video game and he would put heroin inside of it. So I would come out to my mom's vehicle with the video game and after I just paid him for the drugs, right, so it was like she she still, to this day, you know, will give me like, be okay, and it's been almost nine years. So that's gives you an idea of how much distrust I created through lying, cheating, stealing, all that back then.
Speaker 3:Yeah, wow, anything that you guys would elaborate on that?
Speaker 5:You know, addiction steals from our family and it's very selfish from our family and it's very selfish. And so I never thought about the selfish side of you know my drinking and and you know 100% had a effect on my marriage. Um, you know it steals time and experience is what it does and, um, so I don't have a. I can sit here and go through you know my drunkologue of terrible stories but that's really not worth. You know dredging up, but I can tell you it was a major strain and the difference today is that I'm present and I get this gift and that's probably the best amends. One thing we said a lot in our drinking days was sorry, and you've said it so many times that sorry became not even a word that was recognizable. And so when you go through a recovery and you start changing your lives and trying to build back those relationships, living sober and the actions that we do in those it's you live. That amends to the people that were closest to you and my kids. You know I don't, I don't know that they would if you sat them down and put a microphone in front of them. They probably go.
Speaker 5:I don't remember dad drinking, but they have incidences of you know, when I was hungover and I'm trying to parent, I remember being volunteering at their schools and I'm I feel like garbage, you know. And then since then, you know, because they were pretty young, my kids, I think, were eight, nine, 11. I spent a lot of time in this this last six years, still being able to volunteer in their things and being present and of sound mind and body, freedom from the bondage of that alcohol that was just tearing me apart. So, yeah, it definitely affected a lot of my relationships. Today it's really strong. I co-parent very well post-divorce. I think our kids are pretty well grounded. They are successful in school. I got a freshman in college who's a successful swimmer and he's on the orchestra. So definitely this side of it, I'm living every day with those amends and that's been, you know, that's been one of those gifts of sobriety.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like the present piece. I never thought about it that way too right Like you miss out on things when you're hazy you know, yeah.
Speaker 3:So thank you so much for tuning into part one of two of the conversation we're having about being sober, whether that, however that looks for someone. Adam, mark and Peter's stories are so inspiring and we're just getting started. They had so many powerful pieces to this whole episode around how they became sober, their journey to get it to, how they started self-love and much, much more. And, as you're listening today and you feel called, please share this with someone, kind of deep dive into it, get ready for part two and know that my team and these individuals who have been on this episode as well are here to support you. One of the things that we talk a lot about is personal growth, and all three of them share about their personal growth, from the hard times to where they are today, and one of the things and resources that we have at LEAD is our Lead Within platform, and so I will continue to tell people. That is a starting point for people to start to focus on themselves and to help themselves, and also just finding help and support along the way as well. So please know that you are not alone on your journey. There are so many people out here that want to support you. You just have to be willing to choose to ask for the help. So, as I say at the end of every episode, continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet, and that includes yourself. Thank you and have a great day.
Speaker 3:Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Confident Podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, head over to leadconfidentlyorg for today's show notes, along with discounts to our services. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button, leave a review and follow us on Instagram and YouTube at the Confident Podcast. Your feedback means the world to me and it helps more people discover the show. And hey, if you're feeling inspired to dive deeper, let's connect. You can find me on Instagram at LisaTarkingtonOfficial. Drop me a message and let's explore how I can support your journey to confidence and leadership. Remember you have the power to choose confidence every single day. Keep showing up, keep striving and keep believing in your potential. I'm cheering you on and I'll see you next time.
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